10 things it means when someone keeps coming back into your life

One day they’re there. The next day, they’re not.

They say they want to be with you, but they’re almost impossible to get a hold of.

They tell you they love spending time with you, but they’re not there when you want them to.

They make promises and plans, but they rarely follow through.

Do these sound familiar?

You know you shouldn’t let them into your life every time they’re trying to get back in, but each time they do, you can’t help but lower your guard. Because when the two of you are together — fireworks.

Your friends keep telling you that you shouldn’t let it happen. And you know they mean well, but let’s face it. It’s not as easy as it sounds, especially when feelings run deep.

Why are there people who keep bouncing in and out of your life? Whether they’re an old flame, a close friend, a childhood peer, or an acquaintance, do these people deserve to get multiple second chances, or is it time to put a firm foot down, once and for all?

Here are the 10 things it means when someone keeps coming back into your life and what you should do when they do.

1) They’re not looking for something serious

The good news is, they enjoy your company. The bad news? They’re not interested in pursuing anything more beyond a friendship.

Because if they were, then there shouldn’t be anything to stop them from making a move on you or expressing their intentions. Unless they’re already in a serious relationship, then that’s another story.

But let’s say they’re single and unattached — then they’re just not interested in being with you romantically.

You might think that you can change how they feel about you by letting them in your life.

The truth is, it’s highly unlikely because they’re not confused about how they’re feeling.

They know exactly what they want, and it’s not you.

Don’t get yourself tangled up in this disaster waiting to happen. Be truthful to yourself and accept it at face value, especially if they say upfront that they’re not looking for something serious.

2) They’re lonely

As they say, no man is an island, and we humans have an emotional need to connect with other people.

According to a study, relationships impact health, and that maintaining a social connection can lower anxiety and depression. It helps regulate your emotions and improve the immune system. When we neglect our need to bond with people, we put our health at risk.

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So if you have someone who keeps coming back into your life, then it’s because they’re looking to fill that need to make a connection. They may not have romantic feelings for you, but it doesn’t mean they don’t like spending time with you.

Perhaps they think of you as a really good friend, and they rely on you more than you know — despite them being an unreliable person in your life.

Is that really what you want?

Remember, you don’t need to put up without someone who you feel is only using you for the sake of feeling good about themselves, especially if you’re risking your emotional health.

3) They don’t know what they want

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

Cliche as it sounds, someone who keeps coming back into your life may not know what they want or need at this point in their life.

They’re confused, which makes you confused too. Maybe they’ve tried walking away from you but end up right back because they can’t make up their mind whether or not they should stay or go.

If this is the case, take the lead and be honest about how you feel. Give them time and space to figure things out for themselves. You wouldn’t want to force them into something that they’re not 100% sure of.

And if they still can’t figure out how they feel after giving them enough time, then perhaps take that as your cue to move on.

4) They’re only physically attracted to you

Relationships start with physical attraction. It’s what draws you closer to a person.

And according to an article published on HuffPost, ​​humans are physically attracted to one another at the biochemical level through scent, pheromones, and voice pitch.

But real attraction combines physical, emotional, and spiritual connections. This helps to build a strong bond between two people.

So if they’re only interested in how good your body looks and they’re not connecting emotionally and spiritually, then chances are, they’re just lusting over you. They’ll drop in and disappear on you whenever they feel like it.

It’s worth giving a shot to connect at a deeper level, but only if both of you are on board. Relationships aren’t fairytales and need communication and commitment to work.

5) They’re not ready to commit

Maybe they’ve already been hurt in the past, which makes them cautious about committing right away, or they’ve just come out of a long-term relationship.

Or maybe they feel they shouldn’t jump into a relationship just yet until they’re 100% sure that you’re the right one.

If that’s the case, then be patient. As with people who don’t know what they want, give people not ready to commit the time and space to decide when they’re ready.

When you give them time, it shows that you’re willing to wait and that you respect them.

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But also, be kind to yourself. Don’t wait too long and put your happiness on hold if they can’t find the courage to commit to you. Don’t forget that you also deserve to be respected.

6) They’re not over you

Not all relationships are meant to last.

Whether you broke up amicably or things got ugly, if your ex is still trying to come back into your life sporadically, then you know they’re not over you.

A 2017 study found that people go back to their old relationship because they feel that things will be different a second time around, are still emotionally invested in the relationship, or are afraid of the uncertainty of what would come next.

The study also found that people go back to their old partner because of the intimacy and dependence they’ve carved over time.

Now, if you don’t share the same feelings with your ex, then you shouldn’t give them the upper hand at deciding whether or not they should be in your life.

In the end, it’s still up to you to decide if you want to give the relationship another chance or if you should finally move on.

7) They seek validation from you

Validation is the recognition and acceptance of another person’s thoughts, feelings, and behavior as understandable. It’s not about whether you agree with someone’s thoughts; it is about accepting them as being valid.

And while validation isn’t a bad thing, it shifts to problematic when it becomes the focus.

There can be people who keep coming back into your life because they seek approval and validation, and you can make them feel understood. They’re insecure and even attention-seeking.

It’s not your responsibility to constantly make other people feel good about themselves, especially when it’s the only reason for them to reach out to you.

Don’t let them use you as an ego boost or to make themselves feel worthy or attractive.

8) They’ve run out of options

Have you ever felt like you’ve been invited out at the very last minute? A backup plan because no one is available?

Harsh as it sounds, some people will keep coming back into your life because they have no other options to run to. They take you for granted, so they come and go whenever they please. They expect you to be free whenever they call or for you to drop everything you’re doing for them.

No one deserves to be a second choice. Even worse, a backburner — “a person to whom one is not presently committed, and with whom one maintains some degree of communication, in order to keep or establish the possibility of future romantic and/or sexual involvement.” as defined in a study.

Find yourself someone who makes you feel like their number one superstar. Someone who prioritizes you. Someone who gives you their full attention. Someone who thinks that you matter the most.

You deserve to be someone’s priority and not a fallback person. You deserve better.

9) They like to feel in control

People want to be in control because they’re trying to take charge of a situation. They assert dominance to gain power.

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And it’s possible someone keeps coming back into your life because they want to feel in control. So how do you know they’re trying to be in control of you?

If they demand to know what you’re doing at all times, are often jealous, and make accusations, they dictate your actions, stop you from seeing other people, insult and humiliate you, and even threaten to hurt themselves to coerce you to do what they want.

None of these things is okay and even border abusive. If this happens, seek help immediately and get far away as fast as you can.

10) They don’t want you to be with someone else

There can be people who get possessive and don’t want you to be with someone else, even if they don’t want to commit themselves to you.

They’re selfish and don’t like the thought of other people with you. So when you try to move on from your non-relationship with them, they try to come back into your life and start the cycle all over again.

On the other hand, maybe you have an ex who may not be over you, so they try hard to win you back. They still believe in making the relationship work and won’t accept that you’re moving on with someone else.

Don’t let these people take away your control over what you want. You are in control of your own life and your relationships, even if there are those who try to get in the way of your happiness.

Now you know why they keep coming back into your life

What should you do when they try to come back into your life? Here are some things to consider when you find yourself face to face with someone you should steer clear of.

1) Focus on yourself

People who try to come back into your life aren’t looking to take care of you. Rather, they want to be taken care of.

Instead of focusing all of your energy on them, look inward and focus on yourself and your self-development. Take a break and let go of the negative energy that these people have brought into your life. Make room for better things.

2) Don’t try to change them

People are flawed. Don’t try to make it your life’s mission to turn them into something they’re not. You can’t make them commit to you if they aren’t ready or don’t have feelings for you. And you certainly can’t change someone who wants to control you.

People who don’t want to change won’t change, period. And that’s not on you.

3) Cut them off

You know their presence in your life is no longer healthy, so it’s time for you to cut them off finally.

You don’t have to answer their texts or calls. You can even block them on social media, so you aren’t tempted to check up on them.

When they try to come back and show you that they’ve changed, don’t entertain them or you risk falling back into an old trap.

It all goes back to focusing on yourself. You deserve better.

4) Do things you’ve always wanted to do

Admit it; you’ve allowed people who come in and out of your life to hold you back from truly enjoying life. There’s no better time than now to chase after a life that you’ve always wanted for yourself.

Go and travel to new places, try new hobbies, and spend your time with loved ones who deserve your attention.

NEW QUIZ: What’s your spiritual archetype? At the heart of everything you do, think, and feel is your spiritual archetype. Take this quiz to find out yours.

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