Let’s set the scene. It’s 3 in the morning and your old boo just hit you up with a “You up?” and you are up because it’s 3 in the morning and you are *yearning*.
You tell them, “Yeap” along with either a wink or smirk emoji because you want to be fun and flirty, but not desperate.
And then he doesn’t reply. It’s 4 PM now and you’re looking at this article because the board of directors (read: Your Friends) couldn’t decide if he’s interested in you again or just bored.
So let’s talk about it. Is your ex slowly coming back or is this the infamous “delulu” at work?
Pull up a chair and let’s talk about the 17 signs that your ex is slowly coming back:
1) It’s cyclical.
Engaging my mean friend energy here right now and getting this one out of the way: Of course, they’re going to return if this is cyclical to begin with.
You’re stuck in an on-and-off relationship with this person. Was this really the first time they hit you up with a 3 AM message?
Bestie, that was a homing beacon. And that green ring around their Instagram Stories’ Close Friends List is their version of Gatsby’s green light.
A note on on-and-off relationships
Maybe you’re romanticizing that this time is it. This time it will be different. It’s the last because this time, it’ll stick.
But on-off relationships have a bad rep for a reason. To be clear, not all of these on-off relationships are toxic, they can work.
However, it will take being intentional and not everyone is willing to do what it takes.
Maybe you’re both just chasing the ups of the relationship, and the breaking up and getting back together fuels that. Once the going gets tough though, you trip and falter which leads to a breakup.
Sure, getting back together now is clear, but are your intentions as crystal? Are theirs?
2) You miss them. A lot.
You might start noticing from hereon that a lot of these signs are mostly geared towards you.
Here’s my rationale for that: the universe can continue throwing you signs left, right, and center but it won’t matter if you’re not paying attention.
Or don’t want to pay attention.
So, what’s one of the key signs that you’re about to pay attention?
Yeap, you miss them. A whole lot.
You miss the spaces they once occupied. You associate so many things with who they are. You think of them constantly.
You think to yourself, “This can’t be all there is to it.”
You yearn, you wish for, you hope. It’s not a simple kind of missing, too, because we all miss people, right?
We all have fleeting feelings about the “good old days”, we can think of them fondly and then think about what to have for dinner right after.
This isn’t that, this is the “miss them gotta have them again” type of deal. Persistent, all-consuming.
Direction-driven, action-inducing. You miss them this much and wish for them again, convince yourself these aren’t just signs, but signs for you.
The more you believe it, the more likely you’ll make it happen because there’s no resistance on your part.
Is it resonating?
3) The breakup was impulsive. Well, ish.
Look, breakups are difficult to navigate. I can’t sugarcoat it even if I try.
Impulsive breakups are even more so. Why? Because there were a lot of reasons that led to the breakup that just happened to not be evident at the moment of separation.
The heat of the moment might have lent its power to the decision, but it wasn’t the only factor.
It’s not until after the fact that we add the fights, the arguments, the differences in beliefs, the red flags, the unhealthy attachments, etc.
It’s not until hindsight activates that we see all the good, too. The love, the fun times, the way they made you better as a person, the softness, all that you have built together, all you’ve shared, the dreams, the future, etc.
But I get it, big emotions cause us to feel like everything needs to be urgently decided upon.
A note on impulsive breakups
Look, bestie, just because something was impulsive and seemingly sudden, doesn’t dictate its rightness or wrongness.
It depends on the situation. Some impulsive decisions could be the best ones you make, some of them, the worst.
It’s just that impulsive decisions carry a lot of what-ifs. (But more on regrets in #16)
4) The breakup was amicable.
While we’re on the topic of breakups, let’s talk about amicable partings. Those “just fell out of love one day” types of breakups.
Or “it just doesn’t feel right anymore.” No infidelity, no big fight, sometimes you even *still* love them.
Those breakups that weren’t really due to something horrible. No point of conflict. (Yes, those exist.)
However, and hear me out here: Those could be harder to move on from.
Why? Because it was not a bad relationship, perhaps it wasn’t a great one, but it was okay. It was a comfortable love.
It was safe. There’s no drama to convince yourself to stay away.
And if you got into a relationship after them and it didn’t work out as well, there might be even further comparisons.
(Honestly, if you’re emotionally well-adjusted, this probably won’t apply. Go live your best life, bestie.)
5) They initiate contact.
And it’s not just a paltry hello either. It’s constant and sustained, there’s effort involved.
It’s not orbiting either. (Step aside, orbiting, we don’t need you here.)
They could be asking about you from mutual friends, too. You might even be hearing this only through the grapevine.
The point is, you will know.
But should you reciprocate? Let’s answer that on the next point.
6) There are no hard feelings during contact.
If they start appearing in your life again, how would you feel about that?
So often, any talk of an ex just arouses negative emotions. A reunion is less likely to happen if you’re not open to the idea, after all.
So if they do initiate contact and there are no hard feelings present on your part, reconciliation is more likely than not.
Is it guaranteed? No, but there will be less friction if the conversation leads to that. If you can look at them with excitement and anticipation rather than dread.
7) You dream about them.
We’re entering spiritual, “the universe is sending me a sign” territory.
Here’s my take on this: I believe that the universe throws us signs, dreams being one of them, but I also believe that we dream of people we think about so often.
When thinking about them every waking moment is not enough, you start dreaming about them, too.
It’s like even your subconscious is telling you to pay attention.
So, will you?
Look, I can’t advise you on the spiritual side of things, I’m also the type to only hope for the best. But if you want answers, there are people who know this better than I do. (Much, much better)
I’m talking about the kind folks at Psychic Source.
Their gifted advisors will help you navigate the signs, the dreams, and the confusion. And worry not, they’re knowledgeable, understanding, and genuinely wish to offer their help.
Don’t we just wish for clarity? Don’t we just wish someone would tell us what it means instead of floating in the unknown?
Don’t we just wish for someone to tell us which path looks the brightest? Or if it’s worth it?
8) You see their name everywhere.
Until I started seeing it everywhere, I didn’t think my ex’s name was that common. From cameo roles in movies sharing his name to reading it in random fiction books.
To street names and brand labels. To singers on the radio to the only name that’s clear as the movie credits roll by.
I even started hearing it everywhere! That wasn’t the case before though.
However, like with dreams, I did chalk it up to both the universe telling me to pay attention as well as my subconscious already paying too much attention.
Is it the same for you? Did you use to think they had a pretty uncommon name and now you just happened to see it everywhere.
At some point, I even stopped being surprised.
What about you?
9) You associate them in the most random of places.
Speaking of random, you start remembering them over the most random of places and things. Objects you associate with them start appearing around you at all times like it’s magic.
STILL! It’s still that same universe-throwing-you-a-signal-but-your-brain-is-also-hyper-focused type of deal.
Have you been hearing *your song* all over the place, in what seems like all the time? Their favorite flavor OF ANYTHING being the only remaining choice at all times?
Getting a whiff of their cologne even at the grocery store or during your travels abroad. Their favorite food, their favorite coffee, their favorite anything is always within reach.
To be honest, as much as I say that our brain just tends to focus on said things, I also believe in fate and coincidences.
But again, not my territory, better punt this one to our lovelies at Psychic Source.
10) You’re looking up this article.
“The first step is admitting there is a problem,” is probably not the best quote to use but I wanted to keep this lighthearted and call your ex situation a problem.
It’s true though, you’re already looking up this topic. You’re looking for confirmation, you’re looking for hope, or maybe you’re looking for a loophole.
Your Board of Directors (read: your group chat) probably gave you advice you didn’t want to hear and you wanted a second opinion. Or they agreed and you wanted more validation.
Either way, you’re here and probably side-eyeing me like, “Why is this lady on the internet talking about me like she’s in my head.”
Bestie, I’ve been there. Maybe more times I would care to admit. (Spoiler: I didn’t get back together with them because they were insincere.)
So I get it. We need some random person on the internet to tell us this is normal to feel.
A stranger they may be, but they had this lived experience just the same. That they’ve been at that point and came out okay.
Don’t we just need that comfort?
11) The issue that caused the breakup has been addressed.
This is a nuanced point because some reasons that lead to a breakup are so fundamentally damaging that it’s just impossible to go back.
Like abuse or infidelity (although infidelity is not a deal-breaker for some, though for me personally, it is.)
But if issues like proximity or minor differences, perhaps emotional immaturity, or a minor fight that got out of hand get addressed, you’re essentially starting from progress.
Bestie, that’s a possibility right there.
And while you may not have done the work for the express outcome of reconciliation and I’m not going to romanticize that it is, it’s still a sign of growth.
So don’t rush yourself or kid yourself for the sake of expediting a reunion. Let the pieces fall where they may. Heal at your own pace, bestie.
12) You still have feelings for each other.
Isn’t this one of the most evident points in this list? A reunion seems more likely if you still have feelings for each other.
Although there are nuances in this, too.
- It’s not always immediate that you’re reminded you still have feelings for your ex.
- Sometimes when contact is initiated, it’s only then that you remember. Or only then that you allow yourself to.
- It’s careless to treat residual feelings as enough reason to get back together without doing the necessary work to fix problems that broke you up in the first place. That’s just entering a cycle.
- You can have feelings for them and still not get back together.
13) There was no closure.
What do you usually feel when movies or TV shows end with a cliffhanger or an open ending?
It’s unsettling, isn’t it?
While cinematic suspense is something we can almost expect—and even demand from time to time, the same cannot be said with relationships.
Relationships that have no closure are unsettling. You start replaying your relationship and think to yourself, “Is this where we got it wrong?”
“Is this where I got it wrong?”
And we wait. We wait for closure. Sometimes, we even ask for it.
That sense of uncertainty can push us into either resentment or reconciliation. Resentment because you second guess everything.
And reconciliation because you want to get it right *this time*.
A note on closure
This author is a firm believer in not waiting for closure. Of not waiting for the other person before we start to heal.
If it is not freely given, I don’t ask for it. I don’t want them to have this hold over me, further delaying my healing.
However, and I truly understand this, we are not in the same boat. I do not judge you for wanting closure.
But if you’re looking for someone to tell you it’s okay to go without it, this is it.
Anyway, moving on (pun completely intended.)
14) You feel it in your bones that it will happen.
If you happen to be here because you needed an article to send to your Board of Directors (read: your besties—hey guys!), you have already made up your mind, haven’t you?
You feel it in your bones that it will happen and you just wanted someone to validate you that it’s not just wishful thinking on your part. Maybe you just didn’t notice the other signs and had to be reminded.
I gotchu, bestie. It’s comforting to be told what we’re feeling is normal and maybe even common.
However, that unexplainable feeling that you’re feeling at the core of you, that’s not my forte.
It is, however, Psychic Source’s. They have gifted and empathetic spiritual advisors willing to help, they can provide you with clarity or a different perspective.
15) You’ve grown while you were apart.
Essentially, you have become different people. Debatably better, more equipped, more experienced, and weathered by life.
Falling in love with the people you have become.
16) You have regretted the breakup.
Even if the reasons for the breakup were valid and you have had time away from the situation, regret might still crop up.
Not necessarily because it was wrong, but maybe because it was hasty. Or maybe you just know better now.
Hindsight is 20/20 after all.
17) You can look back on your relationship with fondness.
History is a powerful thing in a relationship. The nostalgia of it.
In this case, when you think of them, you see the good parts (this isn’t to say to ignore the bad parts, bestie, let’s be realistic here.)
There is no pain in your heart when you think about the possibility of getting back together. You feel light and even anticipatory.
But should you take them back?
This is a conversation you need to have with yourself, thoroughly and honestly. I can only tell you the signs you might have not caught.
So for this, you need to:
- Determine your intention.
- Why do you want to get back together?
- Are you ready to try again?
- Do you just want closure?
- Are you sincere?
- Determine their intention.
- Are they sincere?
- Are they ready to try again?
- Understand that—and especially if a lot of time has already passed—while you might seem like the same people, you are different now and it will take time to relearn each other.
- Who they are now might not be who you remember them being.
- You could love them for who they are now, but you could also completely not recognize them.
- Determine if you’re not just in love with the idea of them.
So, quite a few considerations, eh? I’m sure there are more though as each situation is different, but this is a good start.
If this article resonated with you but you still think that you need more help, perhaps getting even more outside help would do you some good.
If your Board of Directors (read: your support system) is out of commission, why not try the folks I mentioned above?
Here’s that Psychic Source link one last time, bestie. Just in case.
Okay, what now?
I hope you’re leaving this article with more answers than when you first arrived, even if not all that you need.
Each relationship, after all, is so beautifully and frustratingly complex.
I’m rooting for you, though, you know? It’s never easy to weigh between what your heart wants, what your mind dictates, and what the person who loved (or once loved) shows you.
Sometimes, this grand feeling could really just be wishful thinking.
But sometimes, oh sometimes, do you get another chance to get it right.
Can a gifted advisor help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to someone with special intuition.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Psychic Source when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into what my future holds, and the confidence to make the right decisions when it comes to love.
If you haven’t heard of Psychic Source before, it’s a site where gifted advisors help people through complicated and difficult life situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a highly intuitive psychic and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my psychic was.