Dating is fun. But it can also be a downright disaster.
How many times have you ended up heartbroken and didn’t see it coming?
The unfortunate reality is:
You could have avoided all that heartache if you just recognized the red flags early on.
After all, no one comes out scatheless from dating a pathological liar or a narcissist, for example.
So if you don’t want to waste your time, you have to be prepared. Look out for anyone who does these 15 things:
1. They lie even with the smallest things
If they can lie about what they did over the weekend, they can lie about big things, too.
Honesty and trust are the foundations of a healthy and secure relationship.
If someone is inconsistent with their stories, how can you trust them in the long run?
One white lie is understandable enough, but when you find someone constantly lying and changing their story, you should run the other way.
2. They hide their phones
It’s one thing to protect your privacy. It’s another thing when someone gets really sketchy about it.
Someone who is trustworthy wouldn’t go to such lengths to keep their phones or computer from you.
I’m not saying they should give you their passwords and access to their emails. Every couple should establish healthy boundaries.
But if they’re not allowing you anywhere close to their phone, there’s something fishy.
This is a serious warning sign. It means they’re hiding something and you can’t trust them.
And without trust, a relationship can’t grow.
3. They look down on you
A little competitiveness is good for any relationship.
But you should never tolerate someone who always puts you down.
You should be with someone supportive, someone who celebrates your success. Not someone who looks down on what you do.
As they say, you are the sun. Don’t let anyone else dim your light.
4. They only see you during late nights
This is definitely a dead giveaway that someone does not value you.
Most likely, someone who hangs out with you only at night is someone who just wants one thing from you: sex.
That’s completely okay if that’s the only thing you want, too.
If not, then you shouldn’t waste your time.
They’re not likely to change and you’re better off with someone who actually wants to spend real quality time with you.
5. They’re extremely jealous
Extreme jealousy—especially at the beginning of a relationship—is a serious sign of toxic behavior.
Sure, it’s flattering when someone is protective of you. But unreasonable jealousy doesn’t signal a secure start.
In fact, jealousy can grow into more serious toxic patterns like manipulation, control, and even abuse.
The foundation of a healthy and happy relationship is based on trust and respect.
A jealous person is unable and unwilling to trust you and respect you. It’s really as simple as that.
6. They’re constantly talking about their ex
Another dead giveaway is if they’re always talking about their ex.
Worse, is if they’re talking negatively about the past.
Usually, it’s a sign they’re not over their previous relationship. And you don’t want to be caught as a rebound.
However, it can also be a sign that they blame their ex and take no responsibility for the breakup. This might mean they will never acknowledge their destructive behaviors in your relationship, too.
7. They stand you up
I don’t know about you, but I can never tolerate someone who doesn’t respect my time.
Sometimes, emergencies happen and we can’t push through with an appointment. But if it happens over and over again, that’s a sign that someone doesn’t take you seriously.
A good person doesn’t promise things they can’t deliver. If they’re flaky right off the bat, they’re bound to continue with the rude behavior.
8. They don’t respect your boundaries
It’s true, a good relationship is where compromises are made. But even when you’re a couple, there are certain lines that should never be crossed.
If you’re dating someone who’s always making you do things you’re uncomfortable with, it’s not a good sign for the future.
Relationships should maintain healthy boundaries so you both grow as a couple and not become too enmeshed in each other.
9. They make you feel like you’re their dirty little secret
Some people like to keep their private lives private. There’s nothing wrong with that.
But if you’ve been dating a while and there’s absolutely no sign that you even exist in their life, it’s definitely a cause for concern.
Have you met their friends? Or do they avoid the topic when you bring it up? You should be with someone who is not ashamed to be with you. Or at least someone who is upfront about why.
10. They’re very closed-minded
This comes down to personal taste. But for me, I can never tolerate being with someone so closed-minded.
It is always important to have an open heart and mind in a relationship.
Why?
Because people are not perfect. We make mistakes. We have pasts we might not be proud of.
Plus, relationships take work. Someone who can’t adjust, compromise, and listen is someone who can’t make a relationship work.
11. They don’t take care of themselves
I’ve always been a firm believer that you can never be in a loving and giving relationship if you don’t know how to love and take care of yourself first.
Everyone has their own demons. And as a partner, the best we can do is to be there for them.
But one thing is clear: You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. And it’s not your job to fix them.
You should be with someone who is completely secure in themselves.
12. They don’t prioritize you
Now I’m not saying that they should drop everything for you. But they should at least be committed to you—committed enough to prioritize you when necessary.
You shouldn’t be the only one making effort to make the relationship work. Both people should be willing to value the other person’s time.
And if they don’t prioritize you and your feelings, they don’t respect you enough. And respect counts a lot.
13. They’re disrespectful to others
What is it that they usually say?
If you want to know about someone’s integrity, look at the way they treat their inferiors.
How do they treat your servers? Their mother? Or the random beggar on the street.
Look closely at the way they treat people because that’s a reflection of who they really are.
14. They don’t have a life outside of you
Love can be consuming. There’s no other emotion that can make you lose your head completely like love.
But too much of it is no longer love—it’s an obsession.
Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean someone has to give up their whole life for you.
A healthy relationship is where two people have their own lives outside of their relationship.
But if you’re dating someone whose priorities and attention is all focused on you that they completely forget their own goals and growth, that is not normal.
15. They’re manipulative
Manipulative people are perhaps the most dangerous to date.
They will twist everything. They will make it your fault. You will feel bad even when you’re the innocent one.
Be warned:
Dating an expert manipulator can mess with your head long after the relationship is over.
Manipulative people can hide their deception with their smiles and charm. And when they want something from you, they will treat you right.
But they will only use you for their own amusement. You’re better off without them.
Your happiness and mental health should always come first
At the end of the day, you should be with someone who “adds” something positive to your life. Not someone who only creates confusion, anxiety, and sadness in you.
Your instincts will tell you when something is off. And only you know what you can and cannot tolerate.
But you should never sacrifice your happiness and mental health just to be with someone, especially if you’re only scared of being alone.
Choose yourself first. Choose your happiness first.
Trust me, everything else will follow eventually.
