Are you waiting patiently for your ex to come through and contact you?
That phase of a breakup is always difficult – you’re not sure if you should move on or if there is any hope that they will want you back.
One of the most common questions I notice is: “Will they ever contact me again?” and I can really understand how this might be at the top of your mind at all times.
The good news is, there are a few things you should know when you are in that situation, and I will help you out today:
1) If the breakup was amicable, there is a chance for you
First off, your chances of your ex contacting you are a lot higher if your breakup was amicable.
In case you didn’t know, amicable breakups are ones where both parties agreed that the relationship had run its course and the two of you wanted to move on.
That means there probably wasn’t any drama, no cheating, no terrible fights – you’ve just both realized that this relationship isn’t serving you anymore.
In case that was your breakup, there is a high chance that your ex will contact you soon, as it means you are both mature and after taking some time apart, you might fit together really well again.
So if you were in an amicable breakup, your ex will probably be more likely to contact you again.
Think about it: if the breakup was terrible, screaming at each other for days, one person hurting the other and vice versa, it’s very difficult to build that trust back up.
2) If you’ve had time to grow, they might contact you
Now, this next point kind of ties in with having an amicable breakup, but it’s a little different.
Your ex might contact you if you’ve had some time to grow, and you’ve changed for the better since you broke up.
For example, if they were the ones who ended the relationship because of something that they thought you could work on, and they notice that you’ve grown and matured in the meantime.
In this case, they might contact you again in hopes that you can work together and make things work.
Of course, this isn’t always the case, but all you need to do for this is work on yourself and become the best version you could possibly be, and is that so bad?
So, one of your best chances of getting an ex to contact you sooner rather than later is to focus on your own growth, and if you do that, you might be surprised by how many people want to be with you again.
3) They might reach out as soon as you move on
This next one is a classic – an ex will often reach out the second you start a new relationship.
It’s true that they probably aren’t going to contact you right away, but they are going to reach out at some point.
The first thing your ex will likely do is try to get in touch with you, and then they will likely start asking you what’s up.
Maybe they’ve heard about your relationship from someone or they simply have an ex-intuition that is on fleek.
Either way, one of the quickest ways to hear from an ex is to move on.
4) They reach out when their new romance falls through
On a similar note, you might notice that your ex will slide back into your dms after their new relationship falls apart.
The reasons are simple: they are sad and they want to make sure you are still an option.
At this point, they might not contact you right away, but they will likely reach out to you at some point. It’s just human nature to want to see if the other person is still around.
Now: you don’t have to entertain them just because they realized that their new partnership wasn’t it.
Sometimes, of course, it takes a new relationship to realize that you were the one, and there is nothing wrong with giving them another chance.
However, be careful with this and don’t jump at the first opportunity of talking to them just because they are feeling lonely.
On that note:
5) They will contact you when they are feeling lonely
Whether they had a new relationship or not, a prime time to get contacted by an ex is when they are feeling lonely.
This is where they reach out to see how you are doing and if they can get some company.
It’s worth noting that this is the most likely time for you to get contacted by an ex.
You might notice this related to the end of a relationship like I just mentioned, or around big holidays, like Christmas or New Year’s.
You might even see it if you are moving on and they want to celebrate with you.
If you do get contacted by an ex in this way, don’t take it personally.
It’s just a sign that they are lonely.
But a word of caution here: if the only reason they reach out is because they are feeling lonely, then they might drop you just as quickly as they reached out.
So if you do get contacted by an ex, don’t get too comfortable with the idea of them being interested in you.
6) Once they miss you, they will reach out
Alright, this one is unfortunately not a proper time you can pinpoint, but your ex will contact you as soon as they start to miss you specifically.
Before we were talking about them feeling lonely and let’s be real – anyone could patch that hole for them.
Now it’s really about them missing you.
Maybe the reality of the breakup has finally started to sink in, or they are realizing that they’ve been single too long.
Whatever the case, they will reach out to you when they realize that you are the one missing from their life.
They might be nostalgic after reminiscing about your relationship or they simply heard someone bring you up in conversation and started thinking about you.
Either way, they will reach out to you as soon as they start missing you.
7) They will contact you when they can’t find anyone better
Around that same time, you might notice your ex reaching out as soon as they can’t find anyone better than you.
You see, after the breakup, they might be on top of the world with the feeling of being able to date anyone they want.
But they can’t help but think back to the relationship, and they start to realize that you were their best option.
They might even start dating people who are very similar to you in an attempt to fill that void that you left in their life.
If that is the case, there will ultimately come a point when they realize that you were the peak – nothing better is gonna come close to you.
So, if that’s the case, you can expect them to reach out to you as soon as they can’t find anyone they like more.
This brings me to my next point:
8) They will realize how much you did for them
Oftentimes, an ex will reach out as soon as they realize how much you did for them.
They might have realized just how much effort you put into the relationship and how much value you added to their life.
That could have been value as in bringing money to the table, or value as in cooking or cleaning, or simply emotional value, like being there to listen to them vent.
They will realize just how important you were in their life and how much they miss you.
The thing is, sadly it often takes losing something to realize its value.
So once they realize how much you did for them, they will reach out to you as soon as they can.
Maybe they didn’t even realize how hard life was because you took so many responsibilities away from them.
9) They reach out when they hear that you are doing well
Okay, this one is kind of tied to that ex-intuition I talked about earlier – when an ex finds out you are doing really well without them, it seems to trigger something in them.
They will realize that they are missing out on something and they will reach out to you as soon as they can.
They might even contact you just to see how things are going for you – that’s the type of person they are.
And if you are doing well without them, they want to know why.
So, if you’re doing well without your ex, odds are pretty good that they will reach out to you as soon as possible after finding out.
Now: that is a pretty funny coincidence, and you will have to decide whether that means you should keep them out of your life or if it’s worth getting back with them.
10) They contact you when they realize they made a mistake
Last but not least, an ex will contact you when they realize they made a mistake.
Sometimes it can be about their emotions, like realizing that they are actually heartbroken, other times it can be something logical, like figuring out that they were the ones who had a problem.
Either way, they will reach out to you as soon as they realize they made a mistake.
Oftentimes, it’s because they feel guilty and don’t know what else to do.
They are not trying to screw you over or hurt you – they just want to fix things and make sure that nothing bad happens again.
You see, they might have grown a lot in the meantime as well, and when you grow, you often become aware of how unhealthy your own behavior might have been from time to time.
Once they realize that, they will notice that you might have been an amazing partner, had they only worked on themselves a bit earlier.
That’s when they will often reach out to see if you are ready to try things again.
Should you reply when they contact you?
Maybe this question is floating through your head now, and the answer is something I can’t tell you, you need to figure that one out on your own.
You see, it really depends on a variety of things – how was your relationship? How was your breakup? Do you think you grew? Do you think it could be a healthy relationship now?
There are so many variables at play here, that the answer is complicated.
I would suggest that you truly listen to what your heart is telling you in that situation.
But also remember that distance can make the heart grow fonder, so try to stay rational and realistic with your expectations of this new relationship.
Sometimes, we tend to idealize our exes, and so we jump into a new relationship with this romanticized idea of who they are.
When reality hits, it can get pretty ugly, pretty quick.
Don’t be afraid of being realistic and understanding that things might not work out a second time.
Final thoughts – live your life
Instead of waiting for your ex to contact you, try living your life.
You see, if you want to be happy, you need to make that happen for yourself, you can’t wait around for someone to potentially contact you and then hopefully that will fulfill you.
You need to make your life happen, it’s up to you how successful that is.
The thing is, if your ex wants to come back into your life, they are more likely to do that while you are having fun and living a life that looks amazing to be a part of.
And the best part? You won’t have to depend on them for you happiness anymore – you can make it happen yourself!
