Careless words, neglect, taking him for granted…these are just some of the ways we hurt the one we love.
No one wants to be the one to cause pain in a relationship, but sometimes we can’t avoid it—we’re just human, after all.
If you’ve found yourself in this situation, don’t worry.
In this article, I’ll show you 13 ways to get him to forgive you and give you another chance.
Let’s dive in!
1) Admit your mistakes
Admitting you were wrong might be hard for you to do, but there’s no getting around it.
When you’ve hurt someone, healing and reconciliation can only happen if you’re willing to acknowledge your mistakes.
Sit down with him where you can talk quietly and privately.
Then, tell him you see where you went wrong. The more detailed you can get, the more he’ll see that you truly regret your actions.
Why is this the first step to winning his heart back?
Because owning up to your mistakes shows you’re willing to set your pride aside for the sake of the relationship.
It tells him, “You are my priority, and I won’t let my pride ruin what we have.”
2) Offer a genuine apology
Along with showing responsibility for what you did comes the need to apologize.
For many of us, apologizing is difficult. I, for one, definitely find it hard to do.
But over the years and through many relationships, I’ve found that it’s absolutely necessary if you want to repair your relationship.
A sincere apology restores your man’s dignity, helps him feel better, and lets him know it clearly wasn’t his fault.
Plus, it’s necessary to rebuild trust.
However, take care that your apology doesn’t carry excuses with it. Giving excuses or shifting the blame to someone else dilutes the strength of your apology.
3) Listen to his side
I wish the two steps above would be enough to instantly mend your relationship.
Unfortunately, it’s not that easy.
Sometimes, even when you’ve apologized countless times, your man still isn’t ready to forgive.
He may still have so much hurt bottled up inside him, and that’s something he needs to release as well.
Take the time to listen. And remember not to interrupt!
It’s best to allow him the space to vent or express how he feels, even if he simply wants to rehash the incident over and over.
I know this sounds like agony to you but discussing what happened many times is his way of processing his emotions.
Be patient until he reaches a point where he feels he has said all he wants to say.
And while you’re at it…
4) Acknowledge his feelings
As your partner expresses himself, you’ll likely hear him unleash all sorts of negative emotions.
Pain, sadness, disappointment, frustration, anger…expect that he will be feeling all of these things.
It can be tough to hear, but it’s important that you validate his feelings. Make it clear that you understand why he feels all of these.
Practice empathy—let him know you’d feel the same way if you were in his shoes.
5) Give him space
What if, despite a long, heart-to-heart talk, he still isn’t ready to jump back into the relationship?
His mind might say he’s ready to forgive you, but his heart doesn’t quite agree.
The next best thing to do is to give him some alone time.
Generally, men do need more time and space to process their emotions.
While they experience emotions as intensely as women do, they often don’t show them because they’ve been trained to do so.
Thus, they take longer to deal with strong, intense feelings.
So, if he asks for some space, don’t take it as a bad sign. It could simply mean that he wants to clear his head and really think things through.
But, as you give him some room to heal, don’t forget to….
6) Keep the communication lines open
Time apart is good in this situation, but you also need to communicate and check in on him from time to time.
Take care not to do it too often—you don’t want to come across as desperate or disrespectful of his boundaries.
Just let him know you’re available any time he wants to talk to you about anything.
That way, if any questions pop up in his head while he’s processing what happened, he can reach out to ask you, and you can help him resolve the issue.
7) Get tailored advice from a relationship coach
While these tips to win his heart back after hurting him are helpful, some couples might need more guidance to sift through their specific issues.
In these instances, the advice of a relationship coach can come in handy.
That’s what I recently did.
A few years ago, I hurt my boyfriend deeply. I tried so many things to get him to forgive me, but he still couldn’t get past it.
I was pretty much out of ideas trying to win his heart back. But still, I didn’t want to give up.
So, as a last-ditch effort, I reached out to a coach at Relationship Hero, a popular relationship coaching site that provides real solutions.
Thanks to my certified relationship coach, I was able to get tailor-made, in-depth, and practical advice specific to my situation.
8) Work on your own issues and try to improve yourself
One of the most valuable things I learned from my relationship coach is the importance of self-awareness.
Self-awareness means looking at yourself objectively through reflection.
Without self-awareness, it would be hard to see where you went wrong and how you can improve yourself.
This is important for cultivating healthier relationships, especially if your aim is to win back your man’s trust after hurting him.
Because here’s the thing—it won’t matter how much you apologize if you’ll keep making the same mistakes.
I’ll give you an example.
One of my most common issues in my past relationships was the tendency to snap at my partner whenever I was stressed out.
Afterward, I would apologize and convince him to forgive me. Then, after just a few weeks, the next time I was tired, I’d snap at him all over again!
What was the problem? Why did I keep doing it?
Obviously, I lacked the self-awareness to monitor my own behavior. I didn’t even recognize my trigger, which was work-related stress.
Once I figured it out, I learned how to create a game plan for every time I’d get overwhelmed.
I gave myself a “script” of things to say instead of getting snarky or unpleasant every time I was stressed.
It didn’t just do wonders for my relationship.
It also encouraged me to always spend time on self-reflection, and it has become a habit that has helped me grow in many other ways!
9) Show him what you’ve reflected on
Now that you’ve sat down with yourself and figured out your issues, it’s time to put your money where your mouth is.
It’s easy to say, “I’ll change/I’ll be less needy/I won’t text my ex anymore.”
Unfortunately, promises don’t mean anything unless you back them up with actions.
Remember that because you’ve hurt him, you’ve broken his trust in you. The only way to win it back is by being consistent in your actions.
For example, if he feels hurt because you don’t spend enough time with him, make it a point to show him that you understand and aim to resolve it.
Commit to spending more time.
Better yet, create simple rituals that you can do together, like taking a daily walk, having dinner together, or engaging in a weekend activity you both enjoy.
Consistent concrete actions will show him you’re serious about it, and hopefully, he will begin trusting you again.
10) Don’t play games
Ah, games.
Playing games might have been fun while you were dating, but not if you’re in a serious relationship.
And at this point, when you’re trying to make amends, playing games can only deepen your rift.
So, if you want to fast-track the process by making him jealous or afraid of losing you, let me tell you right now—-nope.
Your man (and your relationship) deserves your respect. If he takes a longer time to heal, then you’ll just have to wait it out if you really want him back.
On that note…
11) Avoid being overly needy
I know it can be hard to curb your impulses when you want something so badly.
It can be incredibly tough to be patient, especially when you’re filled with fear and anxiety that he’ll never forgive you.
But desperation is never a good look for anyone. Plus, neediness tells him that you’re still putting your needs above his.
The key here is to exercise self-control. And how do you do that?
By respecting his boundaries and honoring his wishes.
While waiting, shift your focus and engage in other activities you find fulfilling. Seek comfort from your own support system of friends and family who love you.
Use the time to work on your own issues.
And lastly, remember your goal: to win his heart back. That is the big picture.
Keeping your eye on that can help you put a stop to those frantic urges to keep calling him day and night and begging him to forgive you.
12) Remind him about your happy moments
Winning his heart back after you’ve hurt him will take more effort than the quick apology you make after you’ve had a typical argument.
This time, the pain goes deeper than mere annoyances. It could be deep enough to make him lose sight of all the happy moments you shared.
But as long as the love is still there, you still have a chance.
One way to nudge him back closer to you is to remind him of your better days. The intent here isn’t to manipulate but to help him see the good side of your relationship.
Bring up specific memories or events that you both enjoyed.
It’s not just about the past, too. You’re also giving him a glimpse of a future with you.
Bringing up happy memories can make him see that you two can be so good together once you’ve gotten past this hurdle.
Then, once he’s more receptive, you could plan new experiences or activities that you can do to make new memories.
It’s a bit of clever psychology I learned from dating expert Brad Browning.
Brad is a best-selling author and has helped hundreds of people get back with their ex via his extremely popular YouTube channel.
He’s just released a new free video that will give you all the tips you need to get back with your ex.
Click here to watch his excellent video.
13) Target his love language
Ever hear of the five love languages?
In case you haven’t, they are the five ways we express our love, according to author Gary Chapman.
These are: words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and gifts.
Knowing your man’s love language is always helpful, but it becomes even more important right now as you try to speak to his heart.
If you haven’t figured it out yet, here are some ways to tell what makes your partner feel more loved:
- Does he often say, “I love you, “ or express his love verbally?
- Is he affectionate? Does he hold your hand all the time?
- Does he prioritize spending time with you?
- Can you count on him to run errands or do chores for you?
- Does he often give you meaningful gifts?
These questions should tell you what language he speaks. Then, you can make it a point to express your love and sincerity by speaking his love language.
For instance, if he’s an acts-of-service guy, why not turn the tables around and be the one to do stuff for him?
If he feels more loved with affectionate gestures, go ahead—hug him and hold his hand every minute you can!
You get the picture. The idea is to tailor your actions to the way he gives and receives love best.
Final thoughts
Winning your man’s heart back after you’ve hurt him isn’t a one-step process.
It’s complicated, time-consuming, and calls for tons of humility, love, and patience.
But if you know in your heart that he’s worth it, then by all means, hang in there and put in the effort to make it work.
Hopefully, he’ll see your sincerity and desire to change, and your relationship will be even stronger after this setback.
