Why is it hard to get someone off your mind? 13 reasons why

Is there someone you can’t get off your mind, no matter how hard you try?

By now, you’re desperate and wondering why you can’t think of anything else. Don’t worry, we’re going to cover 13 reasons why it’s hard to get someone off your mind, and what you can do to finally move on.

1) You find them physically alluring

Let’s start with an obvious one – you find them hot. You’re attracted to them, even if you don’t know much about their personality.

Whether you’ve recognized that or not yet, attraction is a powerful force that is sure to keep the person in question on your mind, at all times.

Sometimes, the attraction is obvious – they’ve got dreamy eyes that captivated you from the first glance – and sometimes it’s harder to understand.

The truth is:

It could be that they allure you in ways that you don’t normally find attractive; confidence, quirkiness, or simply looking different from what you’re used to seeing, can all play a part.

2) You’re falling in love

And just as attraction is an obvious reason, love is probably one of the most common reasons you can’t get someone off your mind.

You may think it’s just the excitement of falling for someone that’s stopping you from thinking of anything else, but it’s deeper than that.

When you fall in love, chemicals like dopamine are released – the hormone responsible for making you feel good, normally associated with feelings like reward and pleasure.

And we all like to feel good, right?

So even if you’re not with the person you love, your body may be craving the feeling they give you. Love is addictive, but it can feel all-consuming especially if you’re struggling to get on with your daily life.

3) Their behavior confuses you

Another reason why you cannot seem to get someone off your mind maybe because of the confusion that comes with their actions towards you or others, or their behavior around you.

Maybe you’re unsure of their feelings towards you?

They might act like they like you but then date someone else, which causes you to take a step back and say, “hold up, what’s going on here?”.

Or it could be the opposite. Someone you’ve never got along with is now treating you kindly and you can’t figure out why.

A change in someone’s behavior or actions, especially if it’s completely unlike them, will leave you feeling puzzled.

It’s only natural that you’ll spend longer than usual trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together – you’re searching for a logical explanation in something you don’t understand.

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4) You feel a need to help them

If you’re naturally an empathetic person, you might go out of your way to help others even if they don’t need it. This is called falling into the “empathy trap”.

As a result, you may spend more time than necessary thinking of others and wondering how you can help them through their problems.

The bottom line is:

You’re worried for them. You want to see them happy, and you’re constantly racking your brain for ways to make that happen.

But, and this is an important but, do they even want your help?

If not, you’re doing nothing more than wasting your own time and energy. It’s natural to want to help, but not if it becomes an obsessive thought that takes over everything you do.

5) You have unfinished business

If you’re endlessly thinking about someone, it may be because you left things unsaid.

Maybe it was you who didn’t say something, or it was the other person. The unsaid bit may have been significant, and circumstances or choices made it impossible to do speak up.

This may have consequently created a nagging thought that keeps reminding you of the other person and what was not said.

It may have been a feeling towards them that you held back, some truth that was replaced with a lie or uncertainty that was not mentioned.

Every time the unmentioned thought comes around, you’ll think about this person.

For closure, it’s best to get things off your chest and finish this unfinished business.

But what that in mind, if you can’t speak to the person in question (like if they refuse to speak to you) know that you’ll have to work on moving on without closure. A bit more on that later in the article!

6) They challenge your beliefs

Have they said something that sparked a change in you?

It could be something inspiring, or something that’s made you feel extremely uncomfortable.

Maybe they’ve challenged a view you’ve held onto, and suddenly you’re forced to confront an idea or thought?

These are all valid reasons why it’s hard to get someone off your mind.

As you’re trying to process their comments or behaviors, it’s your mind’s way of working through this new information.

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Their constant presence in your mind shows that they touched something in you – the question is are you ready to face it and embrace it, or reject it?

The sooner you make up your mind and identify what it is that’s bothered you, the quicker you can begin to move on from thinking about them.

7) They can’t stop thinking about you either

Often after having a good time with a friend or lover, it’s tough to get them off your mind.

Our minds unknowingly connect significant events to the other person or people we experience them with.

We start associating things with that person – the song that was playing on the radio, the smell of the coffee you drank while with them, the butterflies you felt around them.

When this happens, you might find yourself thinking more and more about this person instead of the event itself.

And, little, seemingly insignificant details of them will keep triggering your memory and taking you back to one place – them.

If this is the case, it’s likely the other person will be thinking of you too, especially if you’ve experienced something meaningful together.

8) There’s metaphysics in the mix

Another reason why it’s hard to get someone off your mind might come down to a theory called metaphysics.

This suggests that we all are living as one in the Consciousness Universe. The idea says that we are all connected as spiritual beings and can communicate telepathically.

This can be seen in situations where you call someone, and they exclaim how they were just picking up the phone to give you a call!

Or like when you and a friend both bring up a random subject at the same time – it was on both of your minds even though you had no idea the other was thinking the same as you.

9) You can’t shake the serotonin high

When we like someone, the brain naturally releases serotonin, which causes similar reactions to what happens whenever we fall in love.

But,  it’s not only limited to liking or loving someone alone; it could also come from a thrilling conversation, a stimulating experience you both had, or just a brief meeting along the hallways of life.

But you may be wondering, is this enough to keep this person on my mind?

The answer is a clear and resounding YES.

This may be because you have grown addicted to the serotonin that this experience gives you. The more you replay these experiences in your mind, the more you want to reach that first, exhilarating feeling you had with this person.

Put simply:

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The feelings of joy have made you hooked, and you need your fix.

10) You’ve been intimate with them

Now, if you’ve been intimate with the other person or are currently intimate with them, it’s no surprise you can’t stop thinking of them!

This is because they have seen you at your most vulnerable state, maybe spent a lot of time with you, or you are dating.

In your mind, this person is extremely important to you. You’ll think of them often because they’ve seen a part of you that’s incredibly private and sensitive.

But on the other hand, you might have been intimate with someone who you hardly know – a casual hookup.

If they left you feeling intrigued to find out more, it’s natural that you can’t get them off your mind.

It could be a sign that you should get in touch and see them again…

11) You’ve had a tough experience with them

Is this person someone you’ve experienced something terrible with?

Maybe you saw them at their worst, and you can’t stop thinking about how things could have turned out differently if you’d have helped them sooner.

Or, maybe you’ve gone through a gut-wrenching break-up and your ex is all you can think about.

Even an argument out of control can have this effect. When I’ve argued with my partner in the past, it could take days before I was able to think of anyone or anything else. It was usually once we’d resolved it that I could finally move on.

This is your mind’s way of processing. You’re reflecting on the situation, and since they’re the other participant it’s not surprising that they dominate your thoughts.

If you’ve experienced something traumatic, don’t be afraid to seek professional help from a therapist if you’re struggling to move on. Speaking to family and friends may also help.

12) You did something wrong to them

Hear me out on this one:

You’ve hurt someone, and now you can’t stop thinking about them. It’s not an unreasonable thought, is it?

No, but admitting it to yourself might be harder than you think.

If you’ve argued, betrayed, or disappointed someone you care deeply about, the fact you can’t stop thinking about them may come from a place of shame or guilt.

Or, it could be your psyche’s way of trying to figure out how you can rectify the situation (if that’s the case, good, keep going until you find a solution!).

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But on the other hand:

You could just be self-harming by going over and over the incident. If there’s nothing more to be done, you’ve apologized and tried to make up, at some point you’ve got to let it go.

You’ve got to forgive yourself even if they don’t.

13) You’re struggling to move on

And finally, if you’re struggling to move on from a partner, or the death of a loved one, know that it’s completely normal to struggle to forget them.

Grief, in all its forms, takes time to process.

Think about it, you’ve probably spent years knowing this person, and now they aren’t in your life, you’re left facing a void.

This void can feel impossible to fill. Your mind takes comfort in the thinking of the person who’s no longer around. It’s a cycle that will keep on repeating itself.

Sometimes, it’ll get easier and you’ll move on naturally. Other times, you won’t.

In this case, take your grief seriously and reach out for help. Even if it’s not death-related, breaking up with someone you had planned to spend your life with is still a just reason to seek support.

Now that we’ve covered these important reasons why it’s hard to get someone off your mind, let’s have a look at how you can move on with your life:

How to get someone off your mind

These are tips I’ve used in the past and have found them useful, but they will require perseverance and willingness on your part:

1. Get in touch with your true feelings. Before you start dealing with your thoughts about someone, you have to acknowledge what you feel towards them first. You could talk to a friend or counselor concerning this as they may understand you better.

2. Get a new hobby. Playing music, gardening, yoga, going to the gym, traveling, or painting. Hobbies are highly advantageous and they’re a sure way to help take your mind off things.

3. Connect with a community. Find something you love and connect with people who share the same passion as you. This is a healthy distraction.

4. Avoid interactions with the person. Avoid their social media pages, and avoid areas you are most likely to meet or be reminded of them.

5. Speak to the person in question. Be ready, however, to accept that you might not receive closure. Real closure comes from within – you can’t rely on someone else to give it to you.

6. Stay focused on your life interests. Keep your mind on the here and now. Set yourself goals. Put the focus back onto yourself and slowly they’ll begin to take a backseat in the waiting room of your mind.

7. Seek therapy. This may be the only way to process your thoughts and feelings towards this person. It’s better to spend a few months in therapy than years being trapped by your mind.

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So with these tips on moving forward in mind, I’d like to give you a few reasons why it’s so important to take on board this advice.

People have ruined their lives over smaller things, so you must start the healing process for yourself first and foremost before it’s too late.

If you don’t, here are some of the possible consequences:

4 Reasons why it’s important to get them off your mind

The sad truth is, if they’re dominating your mind and you’re unable to live life fully, it can start to have detrimental effects. Areas that will be affected include:

1) Your Health

Obsessively thinking about one person can bring down your mental health, and is associated with:

  • Insomnia
  • Low appetite
  • Decreased immunity
  • Weight loss
  • Stress/anxiety/depression

Any one of these is enough to have a significant impact on your mental and physical health. Staying stuck in your cycle of thoughts isn’t easy to break from, but you must do it before your body and mind start suffering the consequences.

2) Relationships

Your current relationships, friendships, work relationships, will all suffer if you don’t find a way to move on.

Think about how distracted you feel with this person running through your mind all the time. Are you able to continue healthily contributing to your current relationships?

Think about it this way:

A friend or a parent who’s got a lot on their mind – is it easy to have a conversation with them?

Ask them for support? Rely on them?

No, because they’re caught up in their own world. You too could end up doing this to those you love without even realizing it, but the damage will be done all the same.

3) Destructive habits forming

Everyone has a way of coping with stress, anxiety, and nervousness.

For some people, alcohol or drugs are one way to stop thinking about someone. It might seem like a solution to your problem, but you’re replacing one toxic thing with another.

Instead of facing your demons and clearing them out of the cupboard, you’re distracting yourself.

And even if it’s not with substances as extreme as drugs, distractions can be dangerous. Maybe you find yourself scrolling through social media more and more to take your mind off things.

Or you start hanging out with the wrong crowd because they help you forget. Either way, skirting the issue won’t get rid of it, and you could end up making your life a lot worse.

4) Daily routine interference

Hopefully, you haven’t reached this stage yet, but for some people, their entire life becomes consumed by the thoughts they can’t get rid of.

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They can’t concentrate at work, they become forgetful, and their work starts slipping.

It’s best to resolve your issues and work on moving forward BEFORE this happens. It’s a hard climb back up if you fall this far, but by no means impossible.

So, I hope by now you’ve recognized the importance of doing what you can to move on from the person stuck in your thoughts.

If it’s a case of being love-struck or attracted to someone – enjoy it! Them being on your mind is completely normal and not a cause for concern.

But if it’s due to a negative experience, you could be causing yourself more harm than necessary by not letting them go from your thoughts. Don’t be afraid to seek support, from friends, family, and through therapy.

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