Do you keep dreaming about your ex when you’re happily married?
After years of marriage, it’s possible that you are still in love with your ex and the dreams you have about him or her represent the deep feelings you have for them.
But, sometimes those feelings for your ex can mean something else entirely.
Here are 10 possible reasons you keep dreaming about your ex when you’re happily married.
1) You miss the good old days
If your dreams involve your ex in some romantic setting and you’re having a good time, it could be that you miss the good old days and want to relive them.
It’s easy to get nostalgic about the past.
It could mean that you long for simpler times.
Dreams can reflect what we miss in our real lives and using dreams to recreate those moments with an ex might just be your way of holding on to the past.
These memories may include a chance to be happy together, shared interests or the joy of being with someone who’s so much like you.
Dreaming about your ex could be a way to recapture something of those good times.
You loved someone so much that you can’t stand the thought of spending your life with anyone else.
You’re hoping that if you have one last chance at being with them, everything would just be better.
Your dreams might not be entirely about your ex.
Maybe you’re waking up in the morning wishing you could go back to your old life.
Maybe it’s hard to remember how things used to be when you were dating or even married to them.
Which is a good reason to remember your ex.
2) You truly miss them
You long for the person you love who is no longer in your life.
If you are truly missing them, they may be the only thing you can think about when you’re asleep.
That’s an accurate representation of the way you feel.
Your dreams might simply bring up good memories that you can enjoy.
And those dreams might be your way of getting them back or reliving some of the simpler times with them.
You might miss their smell, touch or laugh and no one else seems like they can make you feel the same way.
But, it is also possible that they’re reminding you how much you miss them.
Dreams might sometimes reflect our true feelings for the people we love.
Some dreams are just how our minds work to help us sort out a lot of thoughts.
For whatever reason, maybe it’s easier in your dreams to have some fun with your ex than it is in reality.
In fact, dreams are often more pleasant than reality.
You loved them dearly and because of that, they are very important to you.
What’s worse is that when they’re gone, there’s a part of yourself missing as well.
Dreams help dreamers let go of some of the pain and sadness we experience right after our relationships end.
It gives us some relief from any feelings of lost love or heartache in our waking life.
3) They once meant everything to you
Even if you’re no longer romantically involved with your ex, they may have once been everything to you.
It could be that the dreams you have about your ex are a way of reconnecting with feelings you had for them in the past.
Maybe, during the relationship, he or she was all you cared about.
You may now feel that nobody else will ever match up to how wonderful he or she was to you.
This may be especially true if the two of you were deeply in love and shared a strong emotional bond.
A lot of people have a “type” in romantic life.
The person you meet is always different, but the feeling you had with that person is always the same.
If that person was your ex, they could mean everything to you.
It’s not uncommon to idealize your ex if they meant that much to you.
The feelings you have for your ex are a reflection of the way you felt when you first met.
As much as you love your current spouse, those first feelings may still be present in the dreams because they haven’t yet been replaced by new ones.
Many people dream of their exes because they are coming to terms with the fact that those feelings have changed and there is someone else who has taken the place of them.
And, it’s not unusual for people to retain feelings for their first love even years, or even decades, after the relationship has ended.
I’ll explain more on this in my next point.
4) They were your first love
This is very true.
A first love can mean a lot to you.
If your ex was your first love, you may have never experienced another relationship quite like the one you had before.
If that’s the case, no one else will ever hold a candle to them or be able to replace them.
Perhaps this is why dreams about your ex are so important to you.
You want to recapture those feelings with someone who can make them come back again.
Your feelings for your ex are not only because they once played an essential part in your life (i.e. they were your first love).
But, also because you experienced something that few people experience.
Perhaps, in that moment, you felt like everything was right with the world and it was just for that moment (dreams happen when we want them too).
It’s not uncommon for there to be a bond between a dreamer and their first love in regards to their dreams.
If this is the case, you’re probably dealing with deep feelings of longing and compassion for them.
It’s normal to want what we can’t have, to say things we can’t change or to live in a world where everything will always be exactly as it was.
Your dreams might give you that opportunity.
You might still see them as perfect no matter how much bad blood there is between the two of you now or how much time has passed since the relationship ended.
Even if they weren’t the best partner for you — or if they cheated on you or broke up with you — they’re still part of who you are now and will always be in some way.
5) You’re not over them
It’s normal to have dreams about your ex at night.
From one perspective, it’s a way of dealing with feelings you have for them.
On the other hand, maybe your mind is as confused about your feelings for them as you are.
You may find yourself dreaming about them because you’re still not over them, although you’re happily married now.
Or, maybe you never really got over them.
You just ended the relationship and moved on with your life but hold onto some feelings toward that person nonetheless.
At this point in time, you might not know if you’re happy to be rid of them or sorry to have lost them from your life.
The truth is that the feelings we experience towards our ex in dreams are not necessarily a good indicator either way about where our feelings truly are.
Maybe they were the love of your life and that makes it hard to forget the way they made you feel or the way they once were to you.
6) You’re looking for a little happiness and comfort
Dreams are nothing but a creation of our mind.
Dreams can be signs that you want to be happier, less stressed and more comfortable in your life in general.
They often reflect what we long for in the here and now.
And it could mean that you’re wishing things were different or wish that you had never moved on from an old relationship.
And as long as you don’t let it affect your waking life, it’s really not up to anyone else to judge whether your dreams are actually serving you or not.
If your dreams pick up on things even you don’t realize as problems, then it’s probably time for a reality check because what was going on with your ex just isn’t relevant at this point in your life.
If you want to be happy in a relationship or marriage, you need to be happy within yourself first.
Because most of our flaws in love stem from our own complicated inner relationship with ourselves.
I learned this from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê, in his incredible free video on Love and Intimacy.
He taught me that if we’re not content with ourselves, we tend to look for someone to fill up the void.
And it’s usually an ideal version of someone instead of the real person (might be your ex).
Which is a common issue in many relationships.
This will only do more damage to your inner happiness.
So, if you’re done wasting your time reminiscing on a relationship that didn’t work instead of focusing on being happy in your marriage, I’d recommend starting with yourself first and taking Rudá’s incredible advice.
7) There is unfinished business between you and your ex
The important thing is that you don’t use these unresolved feelings for an excuse to behave badly towards them or other people in general.
There’s always a chance that you’re feeling nostalgic because you’re having some unfinished business with your ex.
It could be that you don’t want to forget them and keep thinking about them as if they’re still around.
Sometimes, we hold onto feelings for people from the past when we feel lost in our life or haven’t dealt with the issues that started us down this path in the first place.
Maybe there’s something in your heart or mind that keeps reminding you of what happened between you and your ex whether it’s good or bad.
Or maybe there’s a part of you that needs closure, which is why it feels so difficult to move on from the past.
But, you can only ever have unresolved issues in one place at a time.
This means your ex is not the source of all of your unhappiness or a problem to fix.
Maybe it’s just time to let go of the past and move on with your life.
Because if you don’t, resentment will eat you up from the inside out…. which I’ll talk about in my next point.
8) You’re still harboring resentment
Another reason why you’re still dreaming of your ex despite being happily married now.
Resentment is a toxic condition of being angry about one thing or someone that’s happened between you and them or yet to happen.
Sometimes we get stuck like this because of something that happened way back in the past or something we think will never happen again.
It’s common to hold a grudge against your ex if you don’t feel like they treated you right, cheated or broke up with you unfairly.
But, if there are real issues that need to be resolved, it’s best to address them directly without avoiding the problem or blaming someone.
Your ex might have done something wrong in a relationship and it’s important to forgive them and yourself for whatever happened between you.
Forgiveness is key in order to move on with your life.
You don’t have to feel resentful anymore.
Sometimes, resentment is an emotion that can get the best of us and take over our life and our attitude to things.
But, if we haven’t gotten over the toxic relationship, it can still be an emotion that we’re not ready for yet.
9) Your ex is the ultimate fantasy
I’ll be honest here.
I think most of us were broken hearted in love for one reason or the other because we all have a weakness for the ultimate fantasy.
And this is where our dreams can play an important role in moving on with life.
If our dreams feel like some kind of ‘fantasy’ rather than something that serves to make us happy, it might mean that we need something else to fill up the void inside.
When you’ve been in a relationship with someone, we still have feelings for that person even if we’re not physically or emotionally present for them anymore.
They were part of our life and we related to them in some way or the other.
We still think about them from time to time.
But, there’s a difference between having thoughts about your ex and having dreams about them.
Dreams are a reflection of our unconscious mind or the deepest part of ourselves.
And these thoughts become our reality when we dream about it repeatedly even though nothing is happening in your life to warrant these thoughts or dreams now.
For some people, exes are an ultimate fantasy because they were the best or the worst in the past.
And they might want to revisit this fantasy through their dreams in order to see exactly how it would’ve been like if they could’ve gone back and done things differently.
But, being this way won’t bring back the past so easily and can keep you stuck in a cycle of suffering.
10) You’re bored in your marriage
Is there something missing in your marriage?
Are you unhappy because it feels like everything is the same?
If so, dreaming about your ex might not be about a longing for your former love but rather a longing for change or excitement in your life.
Even if you’re in a happy relationship, you might still feel unhappy because life is boring. We experience boredom when a person or situation or activity lacks novelty or excitement.
If this is the case, it could be time to start looking for ways to spice up your marriage.
You can do that by introducing something new into your everyday routine that will make it more exciting and fun.
Maybe it’s time to stop nagging and pick fights with your spouse over silly things.
You have a unique relationship with your spouse that shouldn’t be compared with anyone else.
So, if you want to make your marriage work, you’ll have to remember why you fell in love in the first place.
Because if there’s no passion or romance between you and your spouse, it can be easy for one or both of you to seek fulfillment elsewhere.
All in all
As you can see, the reasons why you’re still dreaming about your ex aren’t always about that person.
It can be because of something that happened between you and them in the past or something from your own life today.
But, these dreams usually represent something that could be happening in your life today.
If there’s anything from the past you still haven’t dealt with, you might want to consider resolving it before it gets the best of you.
Just remember the past is now part of your history and it’s time for you to move forward with your life.