You can’t believe your luck. You actually found your twin flame.
We all know it’s not easy to find our twin flame because unlike soulmates wherein we can have five, ten, or thousands of them, we can only ever have one twin flame. One!
So hey, it’s basically like winning the lottery, right?
And you know you’re not just imagining things. You’re 100% sure they’re your twin flame because:
- For the first time in your life, you feel truly seen and heard. Talking with them is like talking to yourself — that part of yourself you haven’t tapped before.
- It feels like you’ve known each other since birth. Or actually, even before that — like you’ve been one person in your past life! There’s an instant homey feel.
- You’re learning a lot about yourself from them. And they’re learning a lot about themselves from you. You’re both growing!
- Everything is intense. The romance? the sex? Yes and yes!
Of course, you’ve been inseparable since. Who can blame you?
A twin flame connection is so strong, so addictive, so out-of-this-world that you have no other option but to indulge and let the wind carry you on a wonderful journey.
But as you spend more time together, it’s also become clear to you that it’s not all sunshine and rainbows.
Yes, the good times are exhilarating. But the bad times? Man oh man oh man, the bad times can drive you crazy. It’s like you’re being sucked inside an angry tornado.
What you have is so intense that you’re sometimes scared that it can destroy you. Because of this, you ask yourself sometimes if you’ve actually found your twin flame or you’re just romanticizing a toxic relationship.
Look, the gut-wrenching pain you feel? It’s actually part of the package.
We are not promoting toxic relationships here but twin flames always have a good, transformative outcome. If all they give you is useless drama instead of healthy conflict that can propel you to become your best self, then they’re probably not your twin.
Your twin flame pushes you to reach your higher self. Without conflict and tension, neither of you would transform.
You’re like carbon heated to become diamonds. It’s a rough journey that’s ladened with discomfort and intense friction but it’s the only way you both turn into a precious stone.
Your soulmate can’t do this, your loved ones can’t do this. Only your twin flame can have this effect on you.
However, I know your worries. You care so much about your mental health and you actually see a future with your twin flame so you don’t want things to get too intense or else one misstep can ruin your relationship.
If you want to make things less tumultuous because you don’t want to lose your mind and your twin flame, read up.
Here are some things you should do when your twin flame connection gets too intense:
1) Love yourself first
Although a twin flame could be a strong romantic connection, the main purpose of a twin flame is to lead you to your true self.
A real twin flame can speed up your growth by making you take a hard look at yourself. The connection can help you release past trauma, discover your strengths and weaknesses, and become who you’re really meant to be so you can reach your higher self.
If you put more emphasis on impressing and loving your twin flame instead of working on yourself and loving yourself, the relationship will become too heavy and toxic for you to carry.
As with any relationship, it’s better to apply the airplane rule:
Put your oxygen mask on first, then help the person next to you.
Focus more on how you can be a better person firstly for yourself because it’s the best thing you can do for yourself and for you as a couple. It isn’t selfishness!
It’s actually the healthiest way to maintain a good relationship with anyone. That’s the only way to give pure, unadulterated love. You cannot give joy if you’re not full of it.
Do not keep obsessing over them hoping that the passion you give to them will be given equally to you.
Focus on yourself and your higher purpose and go ahead and love them without hesitation after you’ve filled your cup.
2) Be a twin flame geek
That’s right. Reading this article will do you some good already.
You gotta read up on some twin flame basics because not only is knowledge power, knowledge is your way to loving someone right. It can save your relationship.
Notice how we get reactive when we’re not prepared for something?
Well, most of the time, it’s the shock that can make us do and say terrible things. The best way to prevent this from happening is by learning more about your twin flame relationship.
Of course, while you’re at it, might as well read up on the psychology of love, too.
Being knowledgeable and prepared can make a lot of difference. It can make you more patient and forgiving because you know you’re not dealing with a regular person, you’re dealing with your twin flame!
3) Manage expectations
First of all, don’t expect things to be easy and smooth sailing because you know what they say — If it ain’t rockin’, it ain’t a twin flame.
So yes, expect a lot of rockin’!
To expect anything less would make you frustrated and angry and resentful. You will just hurt yourself by expecting a chill relationship because twin flame relationships are not chill. Deal with it, basically.
Twin flames can highlight our insecurities and our deepest fears so keep this in mind all the damn time so you won’t expect peace and harmony in all of your interactions.
It doesn’t mean you should be okay with bad behavior. Not at all!
It just means that you have to remind yourself all the time that you’re with your twin flame and twin flames gotta be twin flames!
Ergo, it won’t be too easy.
Love is patient, love is kind. Double the dosage when dealing with your twin flame.
4) If they go low, go high
Oh yasss, from Kween Michelle O, no less.
Basically, be the more mature one in the relationship. Be the graceful one, the calm one, the forgiving one. Always.
Alright, alright, I hear ya.
Always is impossible but at least try! Yes, you can do it. Challenge yourself to be one.
I know it’s not easy to be calm during the conflict but trust me, you won’t regret it. There is no one person in this world who regrets being calm during an argument. The one who lashes out and says harsh words is always the one who regrets it.
It’s kinda shameful to recall those times when we throw a fit, isn’t it? So try not to.
But it’s not just a contest of gracefulness and tact, this can actually save your relationship — which is the #1 goal.
You don’t have to be as cool as cucumbers but you can try to refrain from being a dragon by learning some anger management techniques and conflict resolution skills.
5) Do the work and transform
You gotta evolve and become your best self by using (yes, using) your twin flame because you will be motivating each other a lot.
You know you’ve found your twin flame when you can totally relate to that famous Velvet Underground song “I’ll Be Your Mirror”. It goes like this:
I’ll be your mirror
Reflect what you are, in case you don’t know
I’ll be the wind, the rain and the sunset
The light on your door to show that you’re home
…Please put down your hands
‘Cause I see you
Yep, that’s a twin flame right there, alright. If you can dedicate this song to someone and you both can totally relate, there’s no doubt about it, they’re your twin soul.
You connect on a very deep level and because of this, you serve as each other’s mirrors to reflect on to see who they really are and improve themselves. Ask yourself this:
What is your twin flame teaching you about you?
Maybe they showed you that you’re actually a good artist and that you should devote more time doing art.
Maybe they showed your bad traits — that you’re too harsh on yourself or you’re too possessive. The work is deep introspection and transformation.
What actual steps can you do so you can become better? Do them!
That way, you will have a higher chance of living with your twin flame harmoniously.
6) Raise your vibration
Eliminate the negative, highlight the positive.
Try to be exuberant even if it’s hard. Even if you fake it at first. Pretty soon, it will become your habit.
Notice those people who are always in a bad mood? Even if they’re already in Disneyland, they still worry about every single freaking thing.
Then notice those people who are just joyful wherever they are — even if they have a long to-do list, they just laugh and look for the good stuff.
In order to be in a more harmonious relationship with people, you have to raise your vibration. It’s much more needed if you want to minimize friction with your twin flame.
You can raise your vibration by:
- Balance your chakras
- Stare at flowers
- Play with your pets
- Take a warm bath (light some candles to maximize effect)
- Connect with nature
- Listen to music
- Watching sitcoms and standups
- …and 10000 other things!
7) With great power comes great responsibility
When we meet our twin flame, we know them to the core. It’s our superpower. We can read them like a book.
We know what makes them tick. We know what annoys the hell out of them. We know what can make them angry like Hulk.
Because of this, we also have the capability to hurt them like no one else can.
Don’t ever say hurtful things just because “you have to say it” or because “you can’t help it” or you’re “just being real.”
Be careful with the words that escape your mouth. Once you’ve said them, your twin flame can never ever forget them.
Learn to have a little tact when expressing emotions and frustrations. Reread what you’ve written at least three times if it’s something leaning on the negative.
Watch your mouth!
Yep, even if they’re not careful either. If you can do this, you already have a 70% chance of saving a potentially great relationship with your twin flame.
8) Give them space to grow
Twin flames are separated many times but always end up being together, but a hell lot better after the experience transformation after the painful twin flame separation.
If your twin is the runner, don’t chase them. Give them all the time they need to process their feelings and grow. Let them reflect and the only way to reflect is to separate themselves from you.
Don’t worry. If they’re really your twin flame, they will come back, better and better each time until you’re ready for your union.
9) As tempting as it is, don’t let your world revolve around each other
Being with your twin flame can give you the highest high and lowest low — therefore, it’s very addictive!
You’d also want to be with them 24/7 because you’re scared that if you won’t love intensely, you won’t transform and that they’re not really your twin flame after all. This will lead to codependency, which isn’t really what you both need in order to grow.
You need to connect, be each other’s mirrors, separate a little, and evolve.
If you build your life around them, how will you evolve?
If they leave you, how will you cope?
Don’t cancel that once-a-year catch-up date with your college besties just to be with your twin.
10) If things get too toxic, be prepared to leave
If you show your twin that you’re willing to do anything to keep them in your life, that you would rather shut up to maintain peace and harmony — be prepared to get bad behavior.
Remember: No one can treat you badly if you won’t allow them.
If you feel that your boundaries are crossed, that they’re just being too much already — don’t be scared to walk away. Maybe they’re not your twin flame all along.
Or maybe they are but who cares anymore? Screw all that twin flame BS!
You’d rather be with someone who you can actually live with. Life is not a fairy tale.
Once you reach this point, you’ll earn their respect and you’ll be less prone to abuse like controlling behavior, manipulation, and gaslighting.
Take note that some people who we consider twin flames can actually just be the charming types with a narcissistic personality disorder. Many of them will lovebomb us and keep us hooked for their own pleasure in the guise of a “deep connection.”
Twin flame or not, stay away from that kind of situation, and the best way to do this is by showing them that you respect yourself.
Finding your twin flame is hard.
Keeping your twin flame is a hundred times harder. But I will assure you that there is no other kind of relationship that is worth saving and fighting for.
If deep in your heart you know you’ve found your twin, you gotta work hard to protect what you have but you also have to learn when to let go. Don’t worry, they will come back (as better people) if they’re really your real twin flame.