I always thought that finding my twin flame would be incredible and life-changing.
And it was.
But now my twin flame doesn’t want me and the pain and confusion are horrible.
If you’re in a similar situation here’s what to do.
10 things to do when your twin flame doesn’t want you
1) Put down the ‘hopium’ pipe…
Relationship writer Kate Henderson puts it well when she explains what finding your twin flame is like.
“A twin flame is a beloved person who crosses your path and guides you to something great. They represent the essence of the amazing and natural beauty in life. You can find them in other ways as well but they are mostly found in romantic relationships.
If you have experienced this type of relationship, then you have also had a spiritual adventure along the way, and you probably feel blessed.”
As you can see it’s an intense experience.
But if your twin flame doesn’t want you then it’s easy to get lost in despair and pick up the “hopium” pipe.
Hopium is different than just having hope. It’s a dangerous substance of false or idealized hope that clings to fantasy and deliberately ignores reality.
Don’t start using it or the comedown will crush you.
Accept that – at least for now – your twin flame is not responding to your desires.
2) …But don’t give up all hope
At the same time, just because you shouldn’t hit the hopium pipe doesn’t mean you should give up completely.
Even if your twin flame doesn’t want you now, that can change. A real twin flame bond doesn’t just get snuffed out from a few windy gusts.
Learning to maintain hope while not being dependent on it is a fine art.
But it’s very much possible.
The key is to become self-sufficient while not closing yourself off to the possibility and future potential that your twin flame will reconnect with you.
Leaving that door open but not depending on it will increase the chance of it happening exponentially.
3) Build friendship and a natural connection
Many times the idea of being “friend-zoned” by someone you are in love with or romantically attracted to makes people go crazy.
They consider it a loss, a humiliation, or a failure of some kind.
But the truth is it only has to be that if you let it be that.
Being “friends” really is quite a general term, and if your twin flame doesn’t want you in a romantic sense but offers you this option I genuinely suggest you accept.
Not in an “oh damn, fine I guess we can just be friends” way, but more in a “wow I feel genuinely glad I can have a connection with this special person.”
Treat your twin flame the right way and you won’t necessarily always remain “just friends” either. In many cases, the “just friends” can even be a bit of a “test phase,” so go with it…
4) Be there for your twin flame, but don’t be clingy
The best thing to do if your twin flame doesn’t want you is to be there for them.
But don’t be clingy.
Think of the candle metaphor. When you starve a flame of oxygen and don’t give it space it withers and dies.
A twin flame connection is similar.
Sometimes it can be difficult and require time and space to find its supply of oxygen and vitality once again and burn as bright as before.
Then it will be ready to rejoin you.
But pushing too hard could put the flame out or seriously damage the wick (person).
Showing that you care about someone and are there for them in various situations is excellent.
But displaying needy or dependent behavior tends to drive people away for a simple reason: it puts out the energy of lack and unresolved trauma.
5) Let them come to you when they are ready
It’s important not to put a time limit on a twin flame. If your twin flame doesn’t want you that could be the end of the story.
Or it could not.
Try to maintain some kind of connection to them – even friendship – as I said, and let them come to you if and when they are ready.
The word “if” is key here.
They may never be ready, and you have to fully accept walking away before there’s really much emotional or physical space for them to return.
If you only pretend to accept their feelings you don’t leave space for the connection to truly evolve or one day turn into love.
The current situation is disappointing – even heartbreaking – but it’s crucial to really let it happen instead of repressing or denying the hurt that has occurred.
6) Plug the emotional gap with healthy things
When a twin flame doesn’t feel the same way as you it’s devastating. It feels like a part of you is missing.
And in a way it is.
The temptation is easy to turn to unhealthy things to fill the gap: drinking, drugs, casual sex, aggressive behavior, overindulgence in TV or video games, junk food, or even work addiction.
Instead, try turning to exercise, healthy food, time in nature, and wholesome friendships.
In addition, the best thing you can do is become friends with this “gap” because it isn’t really a hole at all.
It’s natural pain from unfulfilled desire: and if you can learn to channel it that can become one of your greatest strengths.
7) Face and embrace your shadow
Anytime is a good time to do shadow work, but that’s especially true in the aftermath of a hurtful rejection.
This is because rejection hits us at our core and brings up many unresolved traumas and blockages in our psyche.
It often exposes those parts of ourselves that we are pushing down, rejecting, or treating as “not good enough.
The thing with the “shadow” is that it’s not “bad” or dirty or some other kind of teaching.
It’s natural. And if you can work with it and learn to embrace and integrate it, your shadow can become your best friend and a source of all sorts of energy, clarity, and wisdom.
Repressing or refusing to face your shadow is sort of like tying a hand behind your back as you go through life emotionally and spiritually (and sometimes even physically, since your energy levels tend to be super low when you have a lot of blocked trauma).
The shadow needs to be brought into your whole person and conscious acceptance.
This will bring you enormous power and potential, including in finding strength and patience in the face of heartbreak and pain.
8) Work on yourself
Sometimes the best thing you can do when someone who means everything to you doesn’t come through is to work on yourself.
This doesn’t only mean shadow work, it can also include learning new skills (here are 125 ideas) and going out and trying new things.
You could go off on a camping trip, start a new business, work on your fitness, learn to meditate, try breathwork or start writing poetry.
And that’s just for starters.
The world is your oyster, even if your twin flame hasn’t yet joined you.
Working on yourself doesn’t have to be a task or a way to “get” anything. It is worth doing for its own sake.
And because you’re worth it.
9) Give them time
As I’ve been saying, twin flames move at all sorts of different speeds.
If your twin flame doesn’t want you, then give them time.
Don’t sit around and wait, though.
The best thing to do after a rejection is dive into your goals and passions and work on yourself.
Your twin flame could be going through all sorts of confusion or issues of their own and may even be having unrelated problems which are currently interfering with their ability to accurately assess their feelings for you.
Am I saying they didn’t mean to reject you? No, of course, they did mean to.
But that also doesn’t mean they are fully confident in their decision or will always feel the same way about you.
Sadly, sometimes one person feels and appreciates the twin flame bond more than the other and it can take a lot of tears and even a few years for the two pieces to come together.
Give them time, but get yourself moving. That’s the key here.
10) There are many different kinds of twin flames
Your twin flame doesn’t always become your partner or lover. Sometimes that’s not the nature of your twin flame connection.
If this is the case then your twin flame relationship may be destined to be something else.
This could be a shared vocational mission where your mutual interests flower externally in a new invention, it could be a profound lifelong friendship, or it could be even more of a spiritual and religious connection that doesn’t translate over into the romantic or sexual.
This can be very hard to accept, but if you can then sometimes it also opens up space and spiritual potential for a new soulmate or life partner to enter the picture.