Are you dating, having an affair, or being involved with a married man?
It might feel exciting as he’s more mature, sex is exhilarating, and he may seem like a viable choice to fall in love with. But it comes with a huge list of moral and spiritual consequences, dangers, and complications.
Let’s take a look at the many drawbacks that make it far from being a truly desirable relationship.
Knowing these will give you an idea of what to do so you can think before you head downhill.
10 spiritual consequences of dating a married man
It seems harmless, but is it wrong to date a married man?
If you feel smitten by this married man, you may wonder – Can love be so full of disappointment and deception?
Experiences like dating a married man are enough to make you give up on love for good.
But before giving up on love, I want to suggest a solution.
I’m sharing with you something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. From him, I’ve learned how the lies we tell ourselves about love are part of what traps us in things like this.
As Rudá explains in this transformational free video, love is available to us if we cut through the lies that we tell ourselves.
We need to face the facts about dating a married man and love.
The alternative is to end up in loveless relationships or endless dating frustration that only leaves us cold, miserable, and empty.
The alternative is to be sunk in stagnant codependency and completely unable to resolve things like dating a married man.
Rudá’s teachings on love showed me a whole new perspective.
While watching the video, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution when it comes to dating a married man.
If you’re done with wasting your time on a love that won’t work, I invite you to watch this short video – to help open your mind to new possibilities and to guide you on the path to finding true love and intimacy.
Click here to watch the free video.
The reality of dating a married man
Here are truths and dangers that come with the reality of dating him which you need to be aware of:
1) It’s morally wrong
Since time immemorial, dating and having an affair with a married man has been frowned upon by society.
While you may not initially see anything wrong with it as you’re enjoying this relationship. But you have to know that it is destructive to everyone involved.
If you put yourself in his wife’s shoes, you’re costing another person’s happiness and peace. It could destroy homes and families, and may also disrupt your life too.
This affair is adultery – which isn’t acceptable and justifiable at all.
Marriage is a sacred commitment that no one should destroy, while a relationship with a married man is taboo.
2) You will get all the blame
One of the biggest disadvantages of dating or being with a married man is the tremendous hurt that will be thrown your way once the affair comes to light.
Even if his marriage is already bad before you enter the picture, the wife and society will blame you for ruining it. You’ll get tagged as the “mistress” or a “homewrecker.”
It’s an attack on your self-esteem as receiving all those accusations and the guilt that follows is too hard.
Whether you accept it or not, and even if he’s the one who comes to you first, you’re equally responsible as he is betraying his wife and disappointing his family.
3) It will never feel “right”
Dating and having a relationship with a married man may give your momentary pleasure but only for a short period.
You’ll always feel anxious for even in those best moments you’re sharing, you’ll always be reminded that he’s married.
When you’re together, you know that he’s lying to his wife. There’s this fear of getting exposed and you won’t get to freely enjoy each other’s company.
And this would feel like you’re always doing something wrong.
4) Your guilt trip is endless
Even if you mutually agree to date each other and have a relationship, your conscience will always bug you.
When you long for him, you’ll also have to deal with the guilt of playing a part in damaging a marriage. You’ll get the blame from the world when your affair gets exposed.
At some point, it will make you think that you’re hurting his wife and his kids. You’ll feel sorry for them and yourself too.
And all these guilt trips can be emotionally draining and will only hurt you more in the long run.
5) Your relationship will be criticized
No one approves of having an affair with a married man. Even if you say just going out on a friendly date, it would be hard for your family and friends to accept that.
No matter how smart, kind, or good-hearted you are, you will still hear their criticisms. Some may even take pity on you.
While you have to live your life on your terms, people who care for you will always remind you to end this relationship before you burn too much.
It may be hard to accept what your loved ones are saying. Those words will hurt and make you miserable, but try to see it from a different perspective.
You may begrudge your family and friends for not supporting you, but trust that they have your best interests at heart.
6) You’ll never be his girlfriend or partner
This isn’t a spiritual consequence but also one of the most heartbreaking consequences of dating a married man.
Forget about being introduced to and meeting his family, relatives, and friends. You’ll remain to be ‘the other woman’ in his life.
You won’t get to hang out in popular spots in town or enjoy fancy dinner dates as he’ll be scared to be spotted together in public. He will probably refrain from commenting or liking your social media posts and do everything to keep your relationship under wraps.
This secrecy and hide-and-seek relationship you have will soon take its toll. So it’s best to realize that starting an affair with a married man is always doomed to fail.
Don’t be naive that everything will work differently for you – for most of the time, it won’t.
7) Even if you win, you’re still on the losing end
Let’s assume you’re in the “best-case scenario” where he left his wife for you. This remains to be a bad idea as everyone else gets hurt.
Do you think that everything will start to be perfect for you and your married man?
When you get into a fight and things suddenly go wrong, he’ll see how his wife handled it better. If your relationship took a serious downturn, he’ll regret cheating his wife and leaving his family for you.
This happens because your relationship wasn’t built on trust and honesty.
8) He’ll cheat on you too
Every time you’re dating, he’s lying to his wife and kids.
You already know that he’s cheating his family, so would you believe that be faithful to you?
Even if you feel and believe that you’re the one he loves (and not his wife) he wouldn’t possibly ever cheat on you. There could also be other women he’s dating, flirting, or sleeping with – as he might also be cheating you.
According to a study by the University of Denver, Colorado, a statistical probability shows that a person who cheats in a relationship is “three times more likely to cheat in future relationships.”
So if you believe that you’re “the one” for him, it may or may not be the ultimate reality.
9) The Divine won’t support you
As dating and having an affair with a married man has spiritual consequences, you won’t receive blessings from the above.
This may sound harsh but by continuing this affair, you’re trying to steal a married man out of his marriage and tearing a family apart in the process.
So from a Biblical point, you’re disregarding His commandments by trying to justify your wrongdoings.
But if you still choose to continue with an affair, then don’t try to make an unholy situation holy.
Here’s the truth:
God won’t give you another woman’s husband. So instead of falling in love and getting into a relationship with a married man, cut it off.
Believe and trust that the right one is out there for you – and you’ll get to meet and be together at the right time.
10) You’ll miss your opportunity to meet the right man
As you’re stuck with a married man, you’ll miss out on the most precious years of your life.
If you’re single, you’ll end up wasting the beautiful phase of youth wishing for something that was never going to happen.
If this illegitimate relationship drags for too long, it could hold you back from pursuing your dreams or enjoying your life.
You’ll probably spend the crucial years of your life longing for a man to make you his priority.
Do you want to miss out on waking up with someone to share a home with and wake up every morning feeling loved and blessed?
Here are things you have to deal with
Being involved with a married man is filled with spiritual consequences and complications you have to deal with.
These includes:
- He won’t be available for you. You won’t get to spend holidays and special occasions with him. And this unpleasant consequence means that you won’t be his priority.
- You can’t introduce him to your circle. You won’t probably be comfortable introducing him to your family, friends, or colleagues. The element of secrecy in your relationship will be doomed between the four walls of a hotel room or your apartment.
- Commitment won’t be part of your relationship. He may care for you and tell you that he loves you, but remember the fact that he has a wife whom he has already pledged for better or worse.
- All the hiding and secrecy will be exhausting. It might be thrilling at first, but afterward, you’ll get to the point where you’ll feel frustrated. Think about all those excuses, cancellations, emergencies, and everything you have to deal with.
- Feelings of loneliness. When you want to be with him – whether in good times or bad – he can’t. You’ll start to see the unfairness of the situation that loneliness will consume you most of the time. Imagine, he has a thrilling romance with you and the comfort of his wife’s arms at home. Is that fair?
- He’ll ghost and gaslight you whenever he likes. You’re dealing with a player and a cheater. Try to question his motives and you’ll see what I’m talking about.
- You won’t feel good enough. Being involved with a married man will make you question your worth. When your emotions take control, your rationality becomes so muddled that you’ll struggle to find a way out of this rut.
- The ending is always awful. Being with a married man will always be sad and heartbreaking. You’ve wasted your time and love on someone you’re never meant to be with. It’s a relationship that’s doomed to fail right from the start.
Choosing to date a married man is going to be filled with heartaches and the consequences are all disturbing. It will affect your life and overall well-being.
You’ll risk hurting yourself and complicating the lives of the people around you. You’ll feel neglected, used, and alone.
In short, it’s a recipe for disaster.
What to do when you’re dating a married man?
Even if you feel smitten, it’s best to let go of a destructive affair that is darkening your soul and spirit.
Here’s what you can do:
Stop lying to yourself
You know that he belongs to another woman. Accept and understand that he won’t leave his wife for you. So you should stop hoping and hanging on. The longer you keep dating, the worse and more degraded you will feel.
Expect the hurt
Grieve and cry if you have to. Your heart will get bruised, broken, stomped on, or maybe worse than this. But it will be better and you’ll be proud of having the dignity to stop dating a married man.
End every possible path to reconnect with you
Don’t be friends with him as it won’t work. Cut off all contact with him – calls, messages, emails, social media – so you won’t be tempted to fall back into the affair. Just leave him alone.
You deserve better than this affair
Know that you’re worthwhile, valuable, and lovable. You can be truly and deeply happy with someone you deserve to be with.
Find yourself again
Rebuild your life and focus on healing your spirit. Open your heart to God’s love, healing, grace, and forgiveness.
Reflect on this advice from Regnum Christi Spirituality Center: “If you truly love this man, you will seek God’s help and grace to continue loving him, and that will include ending once and for all the adulterous affair.”
Focus on searching for what’s missing in your life
Learn to take care of your emotional and spiritual health. You won’t be empty when you have God’s love, compassion, grace, and peace in your spirit.
Stay true to yourself
It’s best to choose a life of integrity, goodness, light, respect, and relationships that build you – and others – up.
Be emotionally strong
If a married man hits you and you find him desirable, tell him not to pursue it.
If you’re already having an affair, break up with him. If the desire is too strong, stay away and ask God for help as he will help you end this passion. Have the courage to do the right thing so you won’t get invested anymore.
The best solution?
End the affair. Get out now.
You deserve someone better who will truly love you. And this person will want you as much as you want him.
Even if you feel you love him or no matter how good sex is, it’s not worth the awful heartache that’s around the bend. This isn’t worth wasting years of life.
You’re deserving of a happy, healthy, and fulfilling relationship.
