Parents of unsuccessful kids have these 6 things in common

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Being a parent has to be one of the toughest responsibilities in the world.

Before a child matures into an independent adult, it’s up to their parents to ensure their proper growth into a functional member of society.

There are various facets to child rearing; the most crucial ones include social development and academic advancement.

Aside from making sure that you are doing things right, a big part of parenting is knowing the styles and techniques that may hamper a child’s growth.

Knowing the difference between harmful and helpful techniques isn’t always easy, especially when you’re just applying the same techniques you learned from your own parents.

For your convenience, we compiled the most common parenting techniques that trigger problematic behavior:

1) Hitting As Punishment

Corporal punishment is a discipline method commonly used at home and even in some schools. It is when adults inflict pain on children by hitting, usually through spanking, as a way to teach a lesson or reinforce obedience and discipline.

While most people believe that corporal punishment is a severely outdated discipline method and has no relevance in a modern world, a handful of households continue to practice this method.

It’s been long believed that spanking curbs the disruptive instincts of children by using pain and fear as an adult’s leverage for good behavior.

However, spanking doesn’t breed self-restraint but fear. It teaches the child to be afraid of the consequences, without being able to reflect on their mistakes.

2) Discouraging Arguments

Some parents think that the best way to curtail rebellious behavior is by completely stripping children of their voice and freedom.

Authoritarianism is employed by parents to reinforce their authority, hoping that such gestures would encourage the child to become more acquiescent.

On the other hand, authoritarian gestures like discouraging children from answering back promotes tension in the family. On an individual level, children that are not used to arguing will grow with low self-esteem and a poor sense of autonomy.

It always helps to listen to what children say and encourage polite conversation instead of disabling them from participating at all.

3) Exposing Children To Too Much Electronics

Too many parents leave their kids in front of the television at an early age. In the most extreme cases, parents may completely substitute actual interaction for watching videos on Youtube.

While kids may not be exposed to any adult content, spending hours staring at a screen can severely inhibit their maturity.

Toddlers that become accustomed to watching videos have shorter attention spans and are slower learners than those who constantly interact with people.

They lose their ability to focus and have a harder time developing languages and motor skills. The children also miss out on socialization.

Without frequent interaction, the children may develop anxiety when around real people.

4) Yelling And Cursing At Children

Kids can be demanding, rude, and exasperating to deal with at times. But none of those can be used as an excuse to become emotionally abusive parents.

Emotional abuse can be as jarring, if not more, than physical abuse. At a young age, a child can develop trust and self-esteem issues, both of which may lead to clinical depression when left untreated.

What’s more, children who are exposed to a hostile environment will eventually consider anger and hatred as default human reactions.

When they do, these children are likely to repeat this behavior to others, sometimes even bringing these to adulthood.

5) Being Over Controlling

Becoming a parent is like wearing your heart on your sleeve—you are constantly worried about another person and wishing the best for them.

Too much attentiveness will lead to obsession, and that’s when things start getting really horrible, both for the children and their parents.   

Controlling behavior tends to breed insecurity and dependence, neither of which are advisable traits for adulthood.

An easy way to combat the need to control children is to simply trust them and trust yourself well enough to know they have been raised right.

6) Withholding Affection

Withholding affection from children can come in big and small gestures. The big gestures would include expressing outright hatred in the forms of physical and emotional abuse.

On the other hand, small gestures can also be equally painful to kids, especially when done repeatedly.

One tactic most parents do to younger children is threatening to withhold affection. A classic example is when parents impose conditions upon their misbehaving child such as, “If you don’t behave, I won’t be your friend anymore.”

Children who experience these too often might develop trust issues, which can mature into social deficiencies in the future.

Part of becoming a good parent is knowing when you’re being bad. In the same way that children have a lot to learn from adults, so do parents, with much room to grow and improve as more loving individuals in the presence of their own children.

NOW READ: These 5 facts will help parents raise “good” kids according to psychologists

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