You thought you’d found the one you had been waiting for, but your dream seems to be turning into a nightmare
You heard that the twin flame journey isn’t always an easy one, but what if your twin flame turns out to be a narcissist?
If you are struggling with a destructive partner and wondering what to do, here are 10 tips for dealing with narcissistic twin flames.
1) Identify the problem behaviors
If you are worried your twin flame might be a narcissist then you are probably feeling sad, confused, and frustrated right now.
Particularly if the relationship has been under strain for some time, your energy levels are likely depleted. Thoughts may be swirling around your head, leaving you unsure what to do for the best.
To try and get some clarity, it can help to identify all the problem behaviors that your twin flame is exhibiting.
Consider making a list of the traits or actions that have made you feel this way.
Where do you feel that you are being manipulated or mistreated? How does this destructive behavior show up in your relationship?
This can help for two reasons. Firstly, it can help you to identify if your suspicions are right, and whether your twin flame really is a narcissist. Secondly, it will help you to move forward to take action on the problems in your relationship.
The word narcissist has become increasingly familiar to us over the last few years, but as a consequence, it is sometimes misused.
Even though many people are capable of exhibiting certain narcissistic qualities from time to time, true Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a clinical term and is an extreme version.
According to WebMD, the most common characteristics of narcissism are:
- Sense of Entitlement
Thinking they are superior and entitled to special treatment.
- Manipulative Behavior
Even though they will first try to impress you, a narcissist’s needs will eventually come first, and their behavior becomes controlling.
- Need for Admiration
A need for validation, praise, and constant compliments. They may brag and exaggerate to try and get recognition.
- Lack of Empathy
Narcissists are unwilling or incapable of empathizing with the needs, wants, or feelings of other people.
Because they see themselves as better than others, they can be rude or aggressive towards people they see as inferior, or when they don’t get the recognition they feel they deserve.
When you look at the list, it’s easy to understand how we can sometimes misinterpret poor behavior from someone not treating us right in a relationship for narcissistic behavior. But it’s important to know the difference.
If these qualities are strong and frequent in your twin flame, then there is a chance your twin flame has a personality disorder.
Even if you decide they are probably not technically a narcissist, can your twin flame be toxic? Absolutely.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what you label it, if you are unhappy and being treated poorly, something needs to change.
2) Don’t make excuses for them
All relationships take work, and the common problems of a twin flame union are well documented.
But if you have doubts and are questioning your relationship or your partner, don’t ignore it.
The label of twin flame or soulmate, no matter how powerful the bond feels, should never be used to justify bad things happening.
It isn’t spiritual to put up with toxic, cruel, or disrespectful behavior.
Even for a love that you feel should be unconditional, your first duty of care is always to yourself.
That means you should never make excuses if your twin flame:
- Cheats on you
- Gaslights you
- Lies to you
- Lets you down
- Is abusive
If you justify or excuse what your twin flame does, you are not only hindering your own soul journey, but there’s as well.
We all must face ourselves with self-awareness before we can progress as people.
3) Don’t try to fix them
We may choose to walk the path with others in this life, but the journey is our own.
When we have strong feelings for someone, or love them, we naturally want to help and support them.
Particularly if a twin flame narcissist and empath end up together, it can be even more tempting to try and heal your partner.
Do twin flames have the same trauma? Sometimes yes, but that doesn’t mean it will present itself in the same way.
Becoming too heavily involved in one anothers healing can lead to a twin flame narcissist codependent relationship.
In defining codependent relationships, Medical News Today explains why this can be a vicious cycle to end up in:
“A codependent relationship is when one partner needs the other partner, who in turn, needs to be needed. This circular relationship is the basis of what experts refer to when they describe the “cycle” of codependency. The codependent’s self-esteem and self-worth will come only from sacrificing themselves for their partner, who is only too glad to receive their sacrifices.”
Even if this is part of your turbulent twin flame journey or separation stage, there is a healthy difference between working on your relationship and trying to “fix” your partner.
4) Protect your energy
Being in a relationship with a narcissist or someone behaving narcissistically can be such a drain on your energy.
Maybe you feel constantly anxious about how they will react. You might feel nervous about going out alone in case your twin flame gets jealous and possessive. Perhaps you have started to dread the ping on your phone in case it’s more manipulative messages.
Narcissists can alienate and isolate you from your support network in order to have greater control over you, which increases the burden on you.
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Constant petty fights might feel like they are consuming all of your time and energy.
For you to get into the best headspace to deal with a toxic twin flame, you need to try to protect your energy.
That might mean taking a break, and putting some space away from your other half.
It could also involve practices like meditation, breathwork, or visualizing a protective bubble around you to help you destress.
5) Focus on what you do want
Now you’ve looked at the bad in your relationship, consider what you really want.
What do you expect from a partner? How do you want to feel? How do you want to be treated?
Focus on that feeling, and know that is what you deserve.
Most relationships are a mix of the good and the bad, but it should be overwhelmingly good.
If your relationship is an unhealthy one, then it might not be worth saving or possible to save.
If you are a believer in the law of attraction, then use this focus on what you do want to help you manifest a boyfriend or girlfriend you truly deserve.
It can also help to remind you of the end goal — a strong and happy relationship.
6) Consider they could be a false flame narcissist not your twin flame
Narcissist’s often have a magnetic power which draws you in intensely in the beginning, only for their charm to melt away once they have you hooked.
A narcissist’s secret weapon might be their most toxic. Love bombing is done by those who seek out relationships only to destroy the other person. The love they give is a tool for manipulating, overpowering, demoralizing, and more.
The difficulty is that intensity of that initial courtship may mimic some of the reported intensity of a twin flame meeting.
After all, both can start out with passionate flames, before the problems begin.
What are the signs of a false twin flame?
As reported by Ideapod, there are some common signs to watch out for that you have met a false twin flame.
- Past issues start to arise – old traumas, anxieties, and hurt that you’ve previously experienced come up again.
- They want to give up rather than work on relationship problems
- You feel uncertain about the relationship
- They cause you more anxiety than peace
- They don’t protect you
- You doubt them
- You have different visions for the future
- They make you self-destruct
- They distance themselves from you
- You can’t be fully yourself around them
If you are dealing with a false twin flame it’s better for you both if you identify that as soon as possible.
7) Don’t suffer in the name of love
Anyone who has experience of dating and relationships will know that romance isn’t all hearts and flowers.
It’s a fact of life that human relationships and love can bring growth and experiences that feel painful at times.
But you should never confuse that pain into thinking that it is romantic or heroic to suffer in the name of love.
Yes, all relationships require effort at some point. But love should be a positive experience that brings you far more joy than pain.
You should never have to endure intense pain, suffering, anxiety, stress or depression in the name of love.
In the words of writer Meša Selimović:
“Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt.”
8) Be prepared to walk away
If the relationship is worth saving, then you will probably need to have a serious talk to see if you are on the same page about things.
You must both agree on the problems you face and come up with a plan to salvage the relationship.
That may involve creating some stronger boundaries around any negative behavior that shows up between you.
But if the relationship is genuinely unhealthy, then you have to be prepared to walk away.
Refuse to waste your love on someone who refuses to do their own soul work.
It’s only when you release toxic relationships that you will make space in your life for better ones.
9) Stay strong
Dealing with a challenging partner or deciding to leave a relationship is difficult for anyone, but if you are dealing with a narcissist it is even harder.
You’re going to need to be strong to stick to your word and stand up to narcissistic behavior.
To help you to keep your resolve it’s good to remember why this relationship isn’t fulfilling your needs.
- A relationship with a narcissist will always be about them and never you. You are just a prop to them, and your feelings and desires don’t count.
- If you want to see them for who they really are, look at how a narcissist treats others. Manipulation, hurt and disrespect are not what you want in your life.
- Don’t look back with rose-tinted glasses. There may have been good times, but that does not cancel out the bad. Minimizing the hurt they have caused you will only suck you back into the painful cycle once again.
10) Learn lessons
It’s time to focus on yourself and your soul journey.
Instead of losing yourself in the narcissist’s delusions, you should bring your attention to the things you want for yourself in life.
You may be in need of some self-love and self-reflection to find out how you can avoid narcissistic people or toxic relationship patterns.
Was this a twin flame or trauma bond? Because if it turned out to be the latter, you may have some healing to do.
It’s also a good time to bring your focus inwards and think about what you want to welcome into your future.
Are there positive changes you want to make? Do you have gifts and talents you’d like to develop? What are your dreams and goals?
Every experience in life, even the painful ones, has lessons to teach us and is an important part of a soul’s progression.
Can a gifted advisor help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to someone with special intuition.
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