“When people cheat in any arena, they diminish themselves-they threaten their own self-esteem and their relationships with others by undermining the trust they have in their ability to succeed and in their ability to be true.”
― Cheryl Hughes
My boyfriend Chris and I have been dating for about a year now and things have been going really well.
We’re both in the tech field and we feel lucky to be together. Our relationship isn’t perfect and there are some tensions, but I was under the impression that we’re more or less in a good place.
Then I had the dream.
I say “the” dream because I’ve been obsessing about it for over a month now since it happened.
I had a dream I cheated on my boyfriend
The dream took place in an office supply store. That is not where I would have imagined myself meeting a guy and getting naughty with him, but go figure.
I was making poster boards for some convention with all sorts of glitter and bright colors. I’m not especially creative as far as I know, but in this dream I was definitely the artistic type.
The store was undergoing some type of renovation and there were construction scaffolds inside and some stacks of drywall. The opposite of romantic.
I remember a feeling of weirdness like ants crawling on my skin as I went through the stacks of bright colored markers and walked around looking for someone to help.
That’s when a tall blond guy wearing Nike air pump sneakers (what the hell?) showed up in all his lanky glory. I’ve never had a particular attraction to height, but he swooped in with a toothy grin and got me all the colored pens I needed.
Then we were making out. Then we were doing things with the colored pens that no strangers should be doing (or couples either, probably).
It got pretty intense and by the time things hit high gear I remember feeling intensely attracted to this lanky guy and his sprawling body. He was very dominant and almost aggressive…
I hoped that none of the construction crews remodelling the store could see us.
Somehow that added to the thrill.
Neon green pens and bright orange were all over the place. His breath felt hot on my neck.
Then there was an announcement on the loudspeaker that the photocopy service was shut down for the day due to technical issues.
I woke up in a sweat and craned my head to see my alarm. It was 5:08 a.m. and I felt like I was in high school and just had a wet dream.
I reached for my cell and saw that my boyfriend had texted me after I fell asleep and I felt so guilty. This was an awful feeling. I’d done nothing wrong but I felt 100% like I had cheated on him!
I wondered whether I should tell my boyfriend about it or keep it to myself. Had my subconscious betrayed me or was it just some random neurons getting horny about an imaginary person in a half-renovated Staples that didn’t even exist?
That’s why I started looking into dreams and how much they mean.
How much do dreams really mean anyway?
My research on dreams and sex dreams in particular, turned up some interesting results. What I found out is that dreams about someone else often represent a part of ourselves.
I also found out that sex dreams aren’t always about sex (but sometimes they are about sex).
Without adding more complexity to the mix, let me add the top five things I discovered about why I had a dream I cheated on my boyfriend.
1) The dream represents my desire for freedom
I’ve always wanted freedom. From a young age my parents said I used to crawl out of my crib and scrounge around.
My job in tech has allowed me a lot of freedom, as have my past relationships.
I dreaded the idea of getting trapped with a guy who wasn’t right for me or wanted to control me.
Chris respects me and he’s very pleasant, but just the fact of having him as a serious partner has stressed me a bit.
I think that this dream is partly about that stress.
2) The dream is about unmet sexual desires
As I said, I’ve never had a height thing. But I think this dream gets at my unmet sexual desires.
Unmet sexual desires can lead to really intense cheating dreams, as I’ve now found out.
People like Austrian psychological pioneer Sigmund Freud have said that dreams often represent desires we can’t express in real life.
According to Freud, our real desires emerge from our subconscious and come out in our dreams.
Chris is an amazing guy, but our sexual chemistry is fairly middle of the road.
Will it get better? I hope so!
This dream, I think, represents that small part of me that’s screaming out: I want something different, I want more…
3) The dream is about feeling lost in life and love
Even though I’m fairly happy in my relationship, I don’t have a lot to compare it to.
My past romantic endeavors have been short-lived and burned out fast.
Chris is one of the longest relationships I’ve had and I feel kind of overwhelmed.
I also have some insecurity about Chris’ friend Tara. I wonder exactly what their relationship is, although he’s made it abundantly clear she’s “just a friend.”
This kind of insecurity can be a common reason for a cheating dream, according to psychologists.
This could explain the kind of dream I had where I’m cheating with another guy in a half-built store.
4) The dream relates to not trusting myself
I think that this goes back to my need for freedom.
I feel a bit insecure about my relationship with Chris and where it’s going.
The bright colored pens and the wild scene in the half-built office store are symbols of a life that’s only half put together.
On the outside everything in my life looks great.
But under the surface I feel like I’m wandering in a half-built store.
5) The dream relates to father issues (yuck, I know)
My dad didn’t have a big presence in my life growing up.
He split from my mom when I was 11 and left me to fend through the strange and wild years of puberty alone.
I didn’t have that “male role model” that I needed.
I felt a lack of the father figure, and have felt that absence for years…
Chris is also not a very dominant guy, and this lanky interloper in the dream could well have represented my desire for more guidance, dominance and male influence.
6) The dream is about feeling stifled in life
When you feel stifled in life, you sometimes dream of cheating on your partner.
In a way my life is going so smoothly that it’s left me feeling kind of stifled.
Maybe I’m just one of those people who’s never satisfied, like the Rolling Stones sang about…
I’ve done a lot of research on dreams and it turns out that Freud was at least partly right.
Your unmet desires come up in them…
I believe that this dream showed my desire for more freedom, creativity and sexual expression.
7) The dream represents fear of commitment
My fear of commitment is very real and according to experts it’s a common reason for cheating dreams.
I like Chris a lot as a person and I feel romantic chemistry with him even if the sex is lacking…
But I just don’t know if I’m ready to commit.
If that sounds like a weird thing to say after a year together then it’s because I guess I’m just…weird?
I feel like I don’t want to break up, but at the same time I don’t know if I want to be together.
I know that sounds strange.
8) The dream relates to a fear of abandonment
The paradox at the heart of my situation is that I’m afraid to commit but I’m also extremely afraid of abandonment.
Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but I feel like the lanky blond guy represents this fusion:
He’s exciting, wild, random and sexual, but he’s also providing a sort of “security” or guidance in the middle of the chaotic renovations (internal turmoil) going on.
Maybe I shouldn’t quit my day job and go into work as a dream analyst just yet, but I think I’m on to something…
Do I really want to cheat?
I don’t know if I want to cheat or not, but I feel like there’s part of me that’s never satisfied.
I think it goes back to deeper roots of trauma from my early years and I want to improve it.
The truth is, most of us overlook an incredibly important element in our lives:
The relationship we have with ourselves.
I learnt about this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. In his genuine, free video on cultivating healthy relationships, he gives you the tools to plant yourself at the center of your world.
He covers some of the major mistakes most of us make in our relationships, such as codependency habits and unhealthy expectations. Mistakes most of us make without even realizing it.
So why am I recommending Rudá’s life-changing advice?
Well, he uses techniques derived from ancient shamanic teachings, but he puts his own modern-day twist on them. He may be a shaman, but his experiences in love weren’t much different to yours and mine.
Until he found a way to overcome these common issues. And that’s what he wants to share with you.
So if you’re ready to make that change today and cultivate healthy, loving relationships, relationships you know you deserve, check out his simple, genuine advice.
Watching the video and learning from Rudá has shown me that I need to focus on my relationship with myself.
As things stand I don’t believe that I have a strong desire to cheat at all…
But I do believe that the future of my relationship with Chris needs to be reconsidered.
Because I think it’s possible I’m settling for what’s “comfortable” instead of what my heart really wants: excitement, challenge, freedom and exploring the great big world out there…
Thinking it all over…
Thinking it all over, I’m actually glad I had the dream.
It made me realize that my relationship is not really satisfying me in many ways, and it made me realize that I’m a bit more mixed up than I’d thought.
A lot of us go through life with a mask, but when you take it off a bunch of crazy stuff starts happening.
I’m thinking that it’s going to be more fulfilling to take my mask off and explore who I really am…
I don’t know yet where things will go with Chris…
And I don’t know what I’ll do if I keep having these dreams…
But as I’ve thought more about what it means and why I had it my guilt has gone down and my fascination has gone up.
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I know this from personal experience…
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