“I found my soulmate but I’m in a relationship”: 15 tips if this is you

Finding your soulmate can be exhilarating…unless you’re in a relationship.

It can be a very confusing time, so I’ve laid out these 15 tips that you should follow before making any decision.

1) Be mum about it

It’s tempting to tell your family and best friend about your romantic soulmate.

But if you’re currently in a relationship, you shouldn’t blab about this person. This is especially the case if you’re still not sure of what you want to happen.

Juicy gossip like this can spread like wildfire. Before you know it, your partner already knows about your predicament.

Worse of all, this could lead to a backlash from your family and friends. In their minds, they feel like listening to you means condoning your “bad” decisions. As such, keeping it low-key is essential.

Talking about this vocally is just like making a run for the hills – even if you’re not 100% sure.

2) Cut all communication – at least for now

It’s hard to think straight if you’re still talking to your soulmate.

They entrance you. You’re under a hypnotic spell that you can’t easily shrug off.

If you want to make the right decision, then you need time to think things through. You wouldn’t be able to do this if you’re spending every waking hour talking, texting, or calling your soulmate.

Add to that, communicating with someone who isn’t your partner will complicate your current relationship.

If you think that cutting all ties means letting go of your soulmate, it’s not necessarily the case. If this person is indeed your soulmate, they would be willing to wait until you’re ready to make a decision.

3) Don’t go behind your partner’s back

It’s difficult to fight that sudden urge to be with this person – especially if your soulmate thinks of you.

With feelings this intense, you might find yourself sneaking behind your partner’s back just to be with this individual.

Although it feels blissful to spend time with your soulmate, it’s a bad idea. Just put yourself in your significant other’s shoes. Would you want them to run around and meet other people behind your back?

Should you continue with this rendezvous, you are sure to suffer from guilt right after. After all, you’ve done something against your ethical or moral code. You’ve snuck off to see your soulmate behind your partner’s back. It’s the very definition of cheating.

Even if you didn’t push through with this liaison, the thought of doing so could still make you feel guilty. That’s because, in your mind, you wanted to be with your soulmate even if you’re not supposed to.

It’s hard to carry this burden of guilt, which is why psychologists recommend accepting the fact – and being remorseful of it.

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More importantly, it would be best if you were firm with yourself. Don’t sneak off, no matter how tempting it might be.

4) Don’t get attached

It’s easy to get attached to a person you deem your soulmate.

This is why it’s best if you don’t communicate or sneak around with him in the first place.

If you want to make a sound decision, you shouldn’t let such strong emotions take over. It would be best if you threw your biases and blind spots out of the window. This could be very hard to do if you’re emotionally attached.

Again, it would help if you put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Would you be fine if they were emotionally involved with someone else?

5) Keep it casual

As mentioned, you should try not to get too attached to your soulmate.

One of the best ways to do so is to keep everything casual. Say you have crossed the threshold. You’re not at the “point of no return”.

So before things get even messier, you need to follow these tips on how to keep everything casual:

No PDA!

Of course, you want to keep your hands all over your soulmate. But hey, you’re in a relationship with somebody else, remember?

Not only is this cheating, but it’s the opposite of keeping everything casual.

Think about your current situation. You don’t want your partner to cozy up with another person.

Don’t change your routines

Now that you’ve met your soulmate, things can change – even if you don’t intend it to happen. For example, instead of spending time with the family every weekend, you end up sneaking out with this person.

Not only is this a violation of rule three – don’t go behind your partner’s back – it goes against the law of keeping it casual. If you want to avoid an unbearable headache, you need to live like you’re not going through a major hump.

Say no to friend or family introductions

Your soulmate may want you to meet their family and friends.

While it’s good to see new people, it will just pull you deeper into the rabbit hole.

Establishing such connections, even if for a quick moment, can be counterproductive. You’re forging bonds, which you should avoid in the first place.

6) Just stay friends

If you find it hard to be casual with your soulmate, the least thing you could do is just be friends with them.

As always, it’s important to distance yourself romantically – especially if you want to make a good decision.

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As a friend, you can still hang out with them – albeit on a platonic level. You don’t have to lose touch with them completely.

More importantly, maintaining a platonic relationship should keep your head clear. Remember, it’s best if there are no romantic feelings that would be clouding your judgment.

7) Stop fantasizing about the what-if’s

Once you meet your soulmate, you may find yourself fantasizing about the future. And because it’s a fantasy, all you can think about are good things.

You and your soulmate racing off into the sunset, living happily ever after.

Given this kind of reverie, it’s easy to become disillusioned with your current partner. Suddenly, everything that has been good has turned sour. Needless to say, this fantasy ends up fueling your dream even further.

While this belief will make you want to leave, it’s not too late for you to do a double-take. Everything you’re thinking about is just a fantasy.

Should you decide to take the plunge, be ready for the fact that things wouldn’t be as rosy as you imagined.

Worse, this can make you realize that you want your partner, not your soulmate. And before you know it, it’s too late. They won’t take you back, no matter how hard you beg.

The takeaway here is this: don’t give everything up for a mere fantasy. Once you drown yourself in these thoughts, it’ll be hard to go back to the real thing.

8) It’s not always about romance

When one talks about soulmates, the word “better half” immediately comes to mind. After all, a soulmate is somebody who’s a perfect fit or complement to your personality.

While this kindred soul can share the same chemistry or respect you have, it doesn’t automatically mean that they are your life partner.

You can have a soulmate that turns out to be your closest friend or supportive mentor.

Although sad, some soulmates are meant to pass you by. They come into your life not to stay in it – but to help teach a valuable lesson.

That said, you need to acknowledge this reality. Meeting your soulmate – when you’re with somebody else – is not a sign that you should automatically pack up your things.

9) Stop lying

Thinking about somebody else – when you’re already in a relationship – is more than hurtful. Lying to your partner, however, is just like rubbing salt into an open wound.

It’s easy to spin lies, especially if you’re still not sure about the fate of your current relationship. So you just go ahead and makeup excuses – up until you’re neck-deep in a web of lies.

Again, it’s time you put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Lying is a thing that anyone shouldn’t tolerate in a relationship.

Dishonesty diminishes trust. Would you believe a person who lied to you over and over again?

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By being deceptive, you treat someone as a means to an end.

In other words, lying is fundamentally wrong. No excuse or situation could justify such lies.

10) Take some time – don’t be impulsive!

You’re torn and confused. You love your partner, but you can’t help but think of your soulmate. You’re even dreaming of them – instead of your current flame.

Acting impulsively, however, is not the best solution for this case.

Before you do anything else, try to take some time off from these two people. You need to have a clean slate as you are facing a massive undertaking.

When you’re under pressure or immense stress, you can end up making the wrong decision. If your mind is in a jumble, you may end up doing something you’ll regret in the future.

By distancing yourself from these individuals, you’re giving your mind (and heart) the space they need.

Who could you live with? Who could you live without?

Remember: while it’s good to take some “me” time, it’s not an excuse to delay things. You need to make a decision eventually – and I have tips for that below.

11) Analyze your current relationship

You’ve waited all your life to be with your soulmate. For you, it’s a no-brainer to drop everything else – your current partner included.

Since another heart is on the line, you need to be 100% sure before you jump ship.

To do this, you need to follow steps as you make a life-changing decision:

1) You need to clarify your thoughts, especially now that you’re torn between your soulmate and your present lover.

You’ll need some time to meditate. You can even do some deep breathing exercises to empty your confused mind.

2) You need to gather information – and lay it all out. 

You shouldn’t make a decision based on the limited data you have. Will you just trust these strong feelings vs. the relationship you’ve had for years?

You need to take all the time you need to do intensive research. Ultimately, you should be able to answer this question: Is it all worth it in the end?

3) You need to be objective. 

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Coming into this situation, you already have a bias towards your soulmate. If not, you wouldn’t be making this tough decision in the first place. You need all the time it takes to get into a neutral frame of mind.

4) You need to weigh the two possibilities. 

Take some time to list the pros and cons of each decision.

5) You need to think about the consequences of each decision.

Should you ditch your partner, how will things be? The same goes if you leave your partner – how would things turn out?

6) You need to frame your decision with your morals and values. 

Tap into your moral compass and think – is this something with which I’d agree?

12) Be honest

So you’ve finally made a decision, and you’re opting to go with your soulmate. The big question is, how are you going to break the ice with your partner?

While there’s no easy way to break somebody’s heart, you owe it to them, to be honest. You need to sit your partner down and tell them the truth: you’ve found your soulmate, and you want to be with them.

Honesty is not just meant for your old relationship (or your new one.) It’s actually the best way for you to get your life together.

By being honest, you get to take responsibility for big life decisions – such as this one. Being true to yourself – and whoever partner you’re with – is your key to happiness.

Is this what I want? Will this make me happy?

By asking yourself these hard questions, you get to improve your attitude – and your mindset.

13) Be prepared for the outcome

No matter what decision you make, it would be best to be ready for the things that might happen.

Should you remain with your current partner, you need to be prepared to say goodbye to your soulmate once and for all.

Should you choose your soulmate, you need to be ready with the backlash from your family and friends. This is why you need to be 100% sure of your decision. It’s hard not to think twice when you hear such remarks.

Then there’s the aspect of living arrangements. If you’ve been with your partner for so long, then you might be sharing a home and bank accounts. You might even be sharing kids and pets. Splitting any of these up can be a contentious issue, given the situation.

Either way, you have to be ready for whatever outcome – be it bad or worse.

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14) Embrace the fact that you’re going to be the bad guy

Say you chose your soulmate in favor of your current beau. Even if you believe it to be the right decision, other people will think otherwise.

They’ll always see you as a cheater who left their partner for somebody else. It won’t matter to them even if you explain your predicament.

Unfortunately, there’s nothing that will make you feel better about dumping your partner. The least thing you could do is to take responsibility for your actions.

Just think: you’re living your life to the fullest – no regrets whatsoever.

15) Move forward

No matter what decision you make, you shouldn’t be stuck in it.

It’s hard not to think, “what if”. However, the bottom line here is what’s done is done. Life goes on.

So whenever you find yourself unable to move, these tips should get you moving forward:

Deal with the disappointment

Whatever decision you make, you’ll lose a person either way. As such, you need to be prepared to deal with the repercussions. Ignoring them will stop you from moving on and forward with your life.

Take it slow

You don’t need to rush yourself as you move forward. Take as much time as you need.

You may expect some backlash here and there, but as long as you have a robust support system, you can do it at your own pace.

Stay positive

When you left your partner, your family and friends suddenly became your enemy.

Although this is the case, you need to soldier on. You need to stay positive.

As long as you know in your heart that you made the right decision, the drama and gossip should not faze you. If any, it should make you stronger.

Know that it’s not permanent

Although people see you as the bad guy, this “view” is not forever. It should not define you and everything you do.

Remember: this too shall pass. It might be hard at first, but you can overcome it sooner or later. This is why I have emphasized the need to be prepared for whatever might happen after.

Conclusion

Once you meet your soulmate, your impulse might be to let go of your relationship.

However, it’s not something you should take on lightly. You need to analyze your relationship – and take the time you need before you decide.

Whatever decision you make, it pays to be honest and prepared. You need to be ready for the backlash – so you could move on forward with your life.

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