I am incompetent – 7 reasons you feel this way and how to move forward

It’s completely natural to feel empty and think less of yourself from time to time. Life is full of so many ups and downs.

Finding yourself stuck in one of those down moments can leave you feeling confused and incompetent.

It feels like you can’t do anything right. It’s a vicious perpetual cycle that you can find yourself stuck in and unable to see a way out. There must definitely is a way out for you.

One of those life “ups” is just around the corner.

It’s about recognizing where your feelings of incompetency are stemming from and putting a plan in place to help you move forward.

Here are 7 reasons you might be feeling incompetent, and what you can do about it:

1) You’ve lost touch with yourself

The further you drift away from yourself, the more you might be left feeling incompetent and empty in your life. It’s a sense of losing your direction.

As you lose touch with yourself, you struggle to find your purpose in your life, which can lead to these feelings you’re having.

You have simply forgotten who you are as a person, which has left you out of touch, with no specific goals or dreams that you’re aiming for. This would leave anyone feeling down.

Our goals are what drive us. They’re what help us feel competent and functional in everyday life.

How to move forward…

So, what can you do about it?

It’s time to reconnect with yourself and figure out who you are. This starts with deciding what makes you happy.  What drives you?

Here are some steps you can take to help with this process:

  • Sit down in a quiet room and get rid of all the distractions around you.
  • Think about who you are as a person right now. Not who you want to be. Not who you were 10 years ago. But, right now.
  • Now think about what you’re good at. It could be something you haven’t done for years, like the piano. Or it could be something as simple as helping people. We are ALL good at something, so don’t stop searching until you find it.
  • Find your passion. Use what you’re good at and think if there’s any passion in it? What gives you that feeling of accomplishment? What’s something you love doing.
  • Now that you’ve done the hard work, go and share it with others. They might be able to help you hone down on your passions, or even offer a whole new view on something you’re good at.
  • Put it into action. Set some small goals to begin with, such as sitting at the piano and playing once a week. It will give you something to look forward to and help you reconnect with yourself in the process.

2) Unresolved issues

Another reason you might be left feeling incompetent is due to past issues that you haven’t been able to get past.

These thoughts keep taking over and dragging you further and further down, letting these feelings envelope you.

These issues could be anything:

  • Pain from childhood
  • Issues of abandonment from childhood
  • A more recent issue of abused trust

We often think it’s better to push our thoughts aside and to move on with life. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work this way. These thoughts don’t just disappear because we tell them to.

If we suppress them, they’re more likely to manifest in a different way: for example, your feelings of incompetence.

How to move forward…

The first step is to work out what your unresolved issues are.

If you can’t think of them off the top of your head, it might be worth seeing a counsellor to talk through things with. A counsellor can help you dive a little deeper to explore any issues that you might be holding onto, which are in turn, holding you back.

Once you know what it is you’re dealing with, it’s time to take some of that control back again.

Here’s what you can do:

  • Write a letter to yourself. Get everything out in the open. Believe it or not, this is extremely beneficial. It can give you insight into how you’re feeling about the issue and help you lay it to bed once and for all.
  • Take back control of the issue. Often we spend so long blaming someone else or placing the control in their hands. By doing this, we’re telling ourselves we can only move on if they let us. We’ve completely lost control. It’s time for you to take it back. Let go of how your friends and family feel, and put yourself first. You’re the only one who needs to forgive you.
  • Let yourself feel. Don’t suppress those feelings you have because you’re afraid of judgment from others. This is what is holding you back. Take some time and let those emotions out – whatever they may be. It’s very healing.

By letting unresolved issues from the past drag you down, the feelings of incompetency will simply increase. Sometimes dealing with these issues is too much, which is why a counsellor can come in handy.

3) Stress

Stress is a huge trigger for feelings of incompetency.

That simple feeling of being overwhelmed by everything going on in your life is enough to make you feel like you’re not good enough.

We all go through stress in life, some much more than others. There are so many things that can trigger it. Here are just some:

  • Death of a loved one
  • Work
  • Moving house
  • Break up
  • Abusive situation

Try and pinpoint if you have been going through any stress yourself recently. This could be leading to your negative thoughts and feelings.

How to move forward…

When you’re in a constant state of fight or flight, it’s easy to get overwhelmed and think less of yourself.

The first step is recognizing your triggers. What makes you stressed and how can you avoid it?

If it’s factors beyond your control (such as the death of a loved one), then it’s worth opening up and speaking to a friend or counsellor.

You might also want to consider talking to a real and genuine psychic to find out for sure why you feel this way and what the root cause is of feeling incompetent in your individual case.

I know how important it is to stay away from fake ones.

That’s why I recommend Psychic Source. They provided me a unique insight into where my life should go, including who I was meant to be with.

Having tried several online psychics, I think they’re the most caring, compassionate and knowledgeable psychic network out there. Not only will a genuine psychic tell you why you feel this way, but they’ll also reveal what you can do to lift yourself back up.

Click here to get your own psychic reading.

4) Too much social media in your life

Here’s the thing about social media. People only portray their best life on there.

They take ten photos to find that one perfect shot of everyone smiling.

They skip over the toddler tantruming for half an hour on the shopping centre floor and show that cute smiling one that happened after the fact. There’s real life and there’s social media life. And not many people combine the two.

Scrolling through endless posts of people sharing how great their life is can be enough to have anyone feeling incompetent. It can make you feel isolated and like you’re the only one experiencing those feelings you have.

Little do you know that person smiling with their baby actually had 10 miscarriages to get there.

That person running every morning hates their job and is trying to outrun their problems.

That person going to party after party actually suffers from depression.

The truth is, we don’t know the real story behind these pictures. Which is what leads to your own negative thoughts and feelings.

How to move forward…

Step away from the socials.

Set yourself a limit to your scrolling each day, to help prevent these feelings from taking over.

The best thing you can do is avoid social media first thing in the morning and last thing in the evening. Otherwise, you wake up with these feelings of emptiness and go to bed with the same feelings.

The other thing you can do is start focusing on yourself and what you do have. It’s all too easy to forget what you do have in your own life when you’re far too busy focusing on everyone else’s.

If you haven’t heard of your “I ams” before, then it’s time to jump on the bandwagon.

These statements are our deepest truths and longings. But they only have to be simple to start with:

  • I am a kind person.
  • I am a person who loves bushwalking.
  • I am someone who likes to eat healthy.
  • I am happy being single.

By saying these things to yourself every day, you become that person. You become the person you want to be and are less focused on what everyone else out there is doing.

5) Putting others first

If you’re one of those people that constantly put the needs of others first, then it stands to realize you might be feeling quite empty and incompetent in your own life.

When you are constantly giving to others and ignoring what you want and need out of life, it’s easy to lose sight of your own hopes and dreams and to be left feeling like you don’t have anything in your life.

How to move forward…

It’s often said that you need to fill your own cup before you can go and fill others.

If you aren’t looking after yourself and meeting your needs, then you’ll be in no position to help other people.

Should you stop helping others? Of course not, but not at the expense of yourself.

It’s time to sit down and work out what your hopes, dreams, and goals are in life. Start small. Set aside an hour of “me” time each week and do something special.

You could get a facial, enjoy a massage, go play a team sport, take up a hobby. Whatever your heart desires.

If anything comes up in conflict of this (such as someone needing your attention), then it’s time to learn to say no. It’s a hard word to use at first but you will get used to it.

Believe it or not, it’s a good word for you.

You need to have boundaries in place and people need to know that you won’t come running every time they ask (even if you want to).

In time, you’ll be able to lead a happy and inspiring life headed towards your goals, while still helping others when you can. It’s about finding that perfect balance that gives you purpose and direction in your life.

When it comes to putting yourself first, you need to believe in yourself.

Start by recognizing the incredible power within you. 

You see, all of us have the potential to live lives we love, but most of us don’t realize how easily we can achieve what we want. 

I learned this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. He’s dedicated his life to helping people restore balance to their lives and live life with passion at the heart of everything they do.

But that’s not all…

Rudá isn’t just an average shaman. He uses an incredibly effective approach that combines ancient shamanic techniques with a modern-day twist. He knows how to tap into his pool of potential and power, and now he wants to share these life-changing methods with you. 

In his excellent free video, Rudá shares the secret to aligning work, family, spirituality, and love. Once you have this balance, there’s no limit to what you can achieve.

So if you’re ready to make that change today, to put self-doubt behind you and start living your best life, you need to check out his genuine advice.

Click here to watch the free video.

6) You don’t have anyone close to you

According to the Harvard Study of Adult Development, having and maintaining close relationships with other people is one of the most important aspects of the human experience.

Do you have anyone close in your life? Friends? Family? Relationship?

Not having these connections could be leading to your feelings of incompetency. It can be hard to watch those around you partaking in fulfilling relationships and wondering why you don’t have the same.

It can lead to you looking down on yourself and wondering where you went wrong. What’s wrong with you?

Nothing! But, it might be time to make some changes.

How to move forward…

Many people mistakenly think this means finding a partner. That other half to spend the rest of your life with.

But, that’s not it at all. It could be a close friend or a family member. It’s about having that close connection with other people. It’s never too late to form these bonds.

People come and go from our lives all the time. They often stay for a period, such as work, before moving on. It’s time to find the people who will stick around.

Start by finding a hobby or something that interests you. By turning up each week, you’ll find other people who share the same interests and passions as you. It’s the perfect place to start when forming lifelong friendships.

Here are some places to consider:

  • The gym: attend one of their classes each week and get to know the people.
  • Sport: being part of a team is the perfect way to connect with others.
  • Art: if you have a love of art, find a class in your area and meet others with the same passion.

There are so many different ways to reach out and find others.

The most important thing is connecting with those who have similar interests to you. This is what leads to a lifelong connection that you can rely on.

7) Unfulfilling job

Working all day, every day, five days a week, is a lot of time spent in the office. It feels much, much longer if you aren’t fulfilled by your job.

Dragging yourself out of bed each and every morning to a job that you don’t enjoy and aren’t feeling passionate about is enough to bring anyone down. This lack of fulfillment often results in a drop in performance in the workplace, which can leave you feeling incompetent.

It’s frustrating too. You know you can do the job, you know it’s easy enough, but your lack of passion is getting in the way.

How to move forward…

While finding a new job might be a good start, it’s often not the easiest place to start. We rely on our jobs for a steady income and most of us can’t just quit because we aren’t enjoying it.

So start small instead. Find a hobby that you enjoy and take part in it every week.

It gives you something else completely separate from work to focus on. If you enjoy this hobby (which hopefully you will!), then you’ll succeed and start feeling competent once again.

It’s about finding that passion.

Another option is working out what you do want to do and heading back to study. You can keep up the old job while you’re studying and let your passion for your new field drive you.

Once again, it gives you something else to focus on away from work to help you rebuild that confidence in yourself.

Once the degree is done, you can start looking for a job that is more suited to you and your interests. Something fulfilling that won’t leave you feeling empty.

I want to share something with you that changed my life. 

At a time when I was stuck in a rut, my emotions running wild, stress, and anxiety closing in daily, I was introduced to an incredibly invigorating breathwork video, created by the shaman Rudá Iandê.

Now you might be wondering, how can breathwork transform your life and help you find a career you love.

Well, through the breathwork sequences Rudá has created in this life-changing video, you’ll learn to empower your emotions instead of letting them rule you. You’ll be given the tools to dissolve stress and anxiety. 

And most importantly, you’ll learn to reconnect with every fiber of your being. 

And yes, it really is as simple as taking a breath. 

So why am I so confident this will help you?

Well, Rudá isn’t just your average shaman. He’s spent years combining ancient shamanic healing traditions with breathwork techniques to create this unique flow

And if it could bring me out of the rut I was stuck in, I’m sure it could help you too. 

So if you’re ready to take a step towards reconnecting with yourself and injecting a breath of fresh air into your life, check out Rudá’s excellent breathwork flow. 

Click here to watch the free video.  

How to stop feeling incompetent

The first thing to do is identify why you have these feelings in the first place before putting in an action plan moving forward.

Be gentle with yourself. These feelings haven’t come out of nowhere, so you have to be patient, acknowledge them, and then work on a way to move forward.

Remember, it’s normal to feel these thoughts from time to time. It’s all a part of life. But if you find they’re lingering and you can’t shake them, then it’s time to make some changes in your life.

Professional help might be the way to go.

You shouldn’t ever feel like it’s something you have to go on your own. In fact, with the help of a counsellor, you might be able to get to the bottom of your issues even fast to help you move on.

You’re doing the best you can.

Recognizing these feelings and wanting to make the change is the perfect first step. So, give yourself a pat on the back for making that first step. The rest will come in time.

Can a gifted advisor help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to someone with special intuition.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Psychic Source when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into what my future holds, and the confidence to make the right decisions when it comes to love.

If you haven’t heard of Psychic Source before, it’s a site where gifted advisors help people through complicated and difficult life situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a highly intuitive psychic and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my psychic was.

Click here to get started.

Felicity Frankish

Felicity Frankish

My name is Felicity (Flick) Frankish and I am mum to Cassandra, Vivienne and Elliot. After studying journalism and digital media, I naturally fell into the online world - and hasn't left since!

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