Breaking up with someone can feel soul-crushing, especially if you still love them but they don’t want you.
It might be tempting to get down on your knees and beg your ex to give your relationship another try. You could promise them the sun, the moon, and the stars, but that probably won’t work.
What would work is to take a step back and get a fresh perspective.
Just because you’ve broken up doesn’t mean it’s all hopeless.
In this article, I’ll show you what you can do to get back into your ex’s good graces, even if they say they want out of your relationship.
Let’s dive in!
1) Practice self-love
Let’s begin with a shift of focus—to yourself.
It might seem counterintuitive to let go of thoughts about your ex and just focus on yourself for now.
But if you want to prove your worth to them, you’ve got to start by loving yourself in a healthy manner.
Breakups have a nasty effect of damaging your self-esteem. You’ll feel down in the dumps, convinced you’re not lovable or desirable.
You’ll feel extra vulnerable and will probably be asking yourself anxious questions over and over.
“Why didn’t it work out?”
“Why don’t they love me?”
“Why didn’t my ex treat me better?”
Chances are, your mind will give you answers you won’t like. You’ll trick yourself into thinking it was all your fault or torture yourself with thoughts that you’re not worthy of love.
That’s why it’s crucial to break out of these destructive thought patterns and aim for a positive outlook.
Yes, you might have flaws and weaknesses (everybody does), but that doesn’t mean you’re not worth loving.
Guide yourself back to a healthy frame of mind with positive affirmations and self-care routines. Don’t be afraid to spend some time alone to recharge and regroup away from life’s many distractions.
After all, you can only really be ready for a relationship if you can love yourself. As psycholgist Dr. Leon F. Seltzer says, “To deepen your love and acceptance of another, first develop love and acceptance for yourself.”
Begin thinking about the good times they shared with you.
2) Don’t post negativity on social media
When you’re brokenhearted and feeling rejected, it’s just so easy to hop onto your social media and type out a post to express yourself.
I get it—I felt the same way when an ex-boyfriend broke up with me. I know how tempting it is to hold back and keep myself from ranting online about the situation.
But hold back you must, if you want to win them back.
Posting negativity on social media won’t do you any good. Your friends and followers will just absorb the negative vibes and unfollow you as a result.
You’ll only look desperate, and that’s never an attractive look for anyone, brokenhearted or not.
If you really need attention, you can reach out privately to friends who genuinely care about you. Meet up with them in person for a shoulder to cry on.
3) Give yourself (and your ex) some distance
Giving your ex some space is an important step in the breakup process, but it’s not just for them. It’s also for you.
Distance allows you to get a fresh look at your relationship and figure out what went wrong.
If you intend to win them back eventually, this step is crucial. You don’t want to rush back into the relationship without having learned something from the mistakes the first time around.
Even if they decide to give it another try, that’s just a recipe for Breakup #2.
Calling them repeatedly, begging them to return, crying, and all sorts of desperate tactics won’t work. You’ll end up turning them off even more.
Maintain your self-respect and use this time to heal and reflect.
You could engage in more productive activities like journaling and working on your own issues.
And who knows, the time apart could lead your ex to miss you.
4) Show them you’re having a great time without them
If you want to spark your ex’s interest in you again, show them you’re enjoying life without them.
This can be a powerful motivator because it’s a blow to their ego.
Seeing you have a fun time with others shows them your priorities have shifted, and you no longer place them on a pedestal.
Happiness always makes a person attractive. A happier person is perceived to be sexier, stronger, and wiser.
There’s also a certain alluring mystery to it—they’ll probably wonder deep inside how it’s possible that you’re having a great time without them.
So, with this little shift, you move from being that desperate person he knew to someone suddenly hot and desirable.
The trick here is to be subtle, though.
You don’t want to make it look like you’re trying too hard and only pretending to be happy to fool them. That’s just going to make you seem sad and desperate, which is the total opposite of what you’re aiming for.
And here’s an added bonus: the “fake it till you make it” principle works, especially in this context.
Research shows that smiling even when you don’t feel like it can indeed improve your mood and emotions.
5) Get him a little jealous
Jealousy can be a useful emotion if you do it right.
You don’t need to go overboard and jump into a relationship with another person to make your ex jealous.
A little harmless flirting or just enjoying a conversation with another person could be enough to make your ex take a second look.
Again, this boils down to ego. You don’t want to crush their ego, but you do want them to see that you’re interesting and desirable to other people.
Hopefully, this will get them thinking of the fun memories they had with you and make them wonder if your relationship is worth revisiting.
This is a clever psychology trick I learned from dating expert Brad Browning, who has helped thousands of men and women get their exes back.
Brad is a best-selling author and has helped hundreds of people get back with their ex via his extremely popular YouTube channel.
He’s just released a new free video that will give you all the tips you need to get back with your ex.
Click here to watch his excellent video.
6) Make sure you really want them back
The beautiful thing about giving yourself some space to think is that it can lead you to enlightenment.
In the heat of the moment, you could think that you desperately want to have your ex back in your life.
But you might think differently when you’ve had some quiet time and calmed down enough to really think through everything that happened.
You may even see that the breakup was a good idea after all.
If you want your ex back, make sure you really do. Ask yourself the right questions.
Think about what you want and need from a romantic partner, and check if your ex can truly provide them.
It doesn’t make sense to pursue your ex and express your desire to win them back, only to find out later that they are not “The One” after all.
7) Wait until your ex is ready to talk to you
Once you’ve decided you’re all in, don’t rush in and pressure your ex to talk to you. Patience is the key to reestablishing communication.
Timing is everything, especially in romance.
Remember that they are also likely hurting, and if they’ve said they don’t want to get back together with you, pressuring them would just make them dig in their heels even more.
On the other hand, you shouldn’t wait forever. After some time has passed, you could start by reaching out and saying hi.
From there, you can gauge if they’re comfortable talking to you and if you can move forward.
And if you do so, make sure you do it cautiously and respectfully. It’s really important to strike the right tone and balance.
8) Reconnect and spend time with them again but start slow
Does your ex look like they’re ready to talk to you? Did they welcome your messages and attempts to reach out?
If yes, it could be a sign that they’re willing to reconnect and spend time with you again.
It doesn’t have to be anything intense; on the contrary, it should be anything but intense.
Keep the conversation light and friendly. You want their initial conversations with you to be free of negativity.
You want them to feel that it’s safe to be friends with you again without the baggage of the past cropping up at any minute.
You could try going out first with a group of friends to reestablish comfort and eliminate any awkwardness.
Don’t rush into romantic dinner dates right away. If they seem open to spending more time with you away from other people, it’s best to keep it light as much as possible.
Go for a midday coffee or run a quick errand together.
The goal is to take it easy and start getting to know each other all over again. As you grow more comfortable with each other again, you can begin talking more seriously about the relationship.
9) Show them how things will be different next time
Now we’re getting to the serious stuff.
As you and your ex start hanging out again, it’s time to show them you’ve learned from your past mistakes.
Take responsibility for your past mistakes and apologize for any harm you may have caused.
Communicate openly and honestly with your ex about your efforts to change and your desire to make things right.
And make sure your actions reflect your words. It’s important to be consistent in your actions, follow through on your promises, and be reliable.
If you used to be a self-centered person in the relationship, show him that you’re now more open and interested in listening to his stories.
Show them that you are actively trying to make positive changes in your life. For example, you could take up a new hobby, start exercising regularly, or focus on your personal or professional development.
Your ex might also want to set boundaries that weren’t present in your previous relationship. Respect those and understand that boundaries are essential to keep any relationship healthy.
It’s also a good opportunity for you to assert your own boundaries. Be careful not to be too accommodating; sometimes, when we’re desperate to win someone back, we forget we’re important.
Don’t undo all your hard work on self-love. It’s never worth sacrificing your self-worth to win an ex back.
10) Practice open communication
Successful relationships are grounded in open and honest communication.
If you want to get your ex back, learn how to listen without interrupting or getting defensive.
Since you both have baggage from your previous relationship, you’ll need to discuss what went wrong and how things can be different moving forward.
Practice active listening—leave your ego and judgment at the door and give your ex your undivided attention.
Listen with empathy. Breaking up might have left you reeling with hurt and yearning so much that you can’t see the other person’s perspective.
This time, try to see things from your ex’s perspective and validate their feelings, even if you disagree with them.
Your body language matters, too. Your posture, gestures, and facial expressions should indicate openness and warmth.
When you show them you’re willing to listen and can respond thoughtfully, it might open a door for your ex to start thinking about you in a romantic way again.
11) Deal with your unresolved issues
Take a good, hard look at your previous relationship. Were you too needy? Too critical? Too distant?
Whatever your issues were, it’s time to confront them and be honest about your own role in the breakup.
Take concrete steps to resolve them and make constructive changes.
Rekindling a relationship with an ex can take time, so use that time wisely. Use it to change old destructive patterns of behavior.
You don’t want to succeed in getting your ex back only to disappoint them again with the same bad habits you used to have.
For example, if you were too needy, focus on developing new habits of independence. Build up your self-esteem by developing a positive self-image.
You can do this by setting and achieving goals, starting new hobbies, and finding ways to meet your own emotional needs.
12) Seek counseling
Sometimes, dealing with relationship issues can be too overwhelming on your own. If you need extra support, don’t be afraid to seek professional help.
Counseling after a breakup can be a helpful way to process and work through the emotions that come with the end of a relationship.
A therapist or counselor can provide a supportive and safe space to talk about your feelings and work through any challenges you may face.
During counseling, you may discuss topics such as:
- The reasons for the breakup
- Any patterns or issues in your past relationships
- How to cope with your emotions about the breakup
- How to move forward and build a healthy relationship with yourself
Whether you end up back with your ex or not, counseling has many benefits for your own personal growth.
What if it doesn’t work?
Sadly, no matter how hard we try, relationships sometimes just don’t work out. We don’t always end up back together with someone we loved deeply.
If your ex still doesn’t want to give your relationship another try, it might be time to accept it and move on.
It can be very worthwhile to speak to a gifted advisor who can guide you in matters of the heart.
They can answer questions like, is your ex really your soulmate? Are you meant to be with them? Or is there someone else out there waiting for you?
I recently spoke to someone from Psychic Source after going through a rough breakup.
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Not only will a genuine advisor tell you how to heal from a broken relationship, but they can reveal all your love possibilities.
Trying to win someone back takes lots of time, patience, and effort. It requires a great deal of self-reflection and commitment to resolving your past issues.
Hopefully, this guide has shown you the steps you can take to repair a broken relationship and move forward together with renewed hope.
However, keep in mind that it’s ultimately up to your ex to decide whether or not they want to give you a second chance.
It’s important to respect their decision and focus on your own personal growth, regardless of their response.
Remember that love isn’t something you can force on anyone, and you shouldn’t. After all, you deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them.
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